Still angry

Hairy Namelessone the owner of a business, that relies on public holdings, is still angry.
At a ceremony celebrating the reopening of a bridge damaged by Hurricane Irene, that mainly services his creek tubing venture, Namelessone blasted officials for leaving trees and debris in the creek.
Namelessone who rents tubes to tourists to go down a public waterway has been extremely vocal in wanting subsidies for his business.
Previously, he wanted the town to build public bathrooms next to his business so he would not have to build one himself.
Then he wanted grants for a river walk with no river views that would enhance his parking area and main street exposure.
And he tried to get his for profit business into the town's master plan which possibly could have gotten him more grants.
None of the projects were funded, causing Namelessone to remain angry.
Unable to contain his ire even at the celebrated event of the bridge, Namelessone ranted that he was unable to spend his newest grant money,"I had contractors lined up and I was in touch with the Sheriff’s dive team, all at no cost to me, when they said they needed an indemnification document from the county.”
The desired document is designed to make sure no one will be held liable for any unintended consequences of work completed under the grant.
Namelessone remains angry.

Shandaken Stoopidvisor bought the farm

Allaben, NY. The Shandaken Stoopidvisor announced the recreation program field trip at the July meeting as "getting in touch with our inner farmstand".

The trip was free, as is all the recreation field trips and the recreation summer programs which mainly consist of letting kids get sun burned at Bellyair beach or the winter program of skiing, in what Stankley touts as super special, though all the surrounding towns are offered the same deal from the ski area. Free, as in, your taxes paid for that.

Missy Weaken, 54, Pine Hill, declared the parents were standing in the parking lot since the crack of dawn which she thought was odd since she saw the Stankley stumbling home at 4am pushing an infant in a stroller after coming out of a main street bar. "As I recall, parents had to wait for hours for Stankley to get his ass on the bus last year. I can't believe they let him do it to them again," she chuckled.

Off the record, the bus driver said the chirren are made to wait hours and have missed the boat,  the actual Circleline boat, since Stankley got involved with the recreation committee field trips.

"It used to be first come, first serve until Rob took control and started saving seats for his family and their friends. One year after the "entitled" got on board, there were only two seats left," claimed Jane Rozzbitch,102, Shandaken," luckily my great grandchild was BFF with Rob's son's BF, who got a seat for bringing candy."

Parents were grumbling by the time Stankley arrived looking like he slept in the gutter.

"We yanked our kids out of bed in the dark to do this trip. Some parents flashed the bus driver some green to start rolling without him," snorted Jim Baggins, 40, Phoenicia.

I have never met Rob," Carole Naiveity, 32, of Bushnellsville stated, "What I saw was frightening and he smelled like the bottom of an old shoe."

When Stankley finally climbed on board, he promised the children they would see the most wondrous farm owned by his favorite local business man. He then asked everyone to sing "Old man Piggley has a farm, e, i, e, i, ooooo" which put everyone in a temporary better mood.

The bus traveled down Route 28,over the Rhinebeck bridge and that is when the confusion began.

"I never was tole where we was goin',"declared the bus driver," I was tole the Stoopidvisor was the man in charge and he would tell me where to go."

The bus apparently went all around Red Hook, doubling back several times and then traveled to the Taconic reaching almost to Westchester before turning around.

"Whenever a road appeared, Rob tole me to take it. This must be were the farm is, he'd say, take that road!," he explained. "It prally woodn't have gotten so bad if he wooda stopped singin that damn song."

As part of the field trips perks the children and parents were promised a farm fresh lunch as part Piggley"s commitment to the farm to school initiative.

"You know it was getting dark and Rob would not admit he was wrong or had been duped, he just kept saying, 'He told me he had a farm' between bouts of singing that damn song," said Sally Wright, 24, Woodland Valley."He was deranged."

The parents and children were exhausted and hungry from traveling in circles all day long with no food or beverages on board.

"I've known Rob for ages, he lies. There! I've said it," remarked June LaSnarka, 98, Big Indian.

"What was astonishing was he could not believe someone lied to him, when I've never told him the truth", smirked Nancy Smites, 98, Pine Hill.

When the bus arrived back in Shandaken around midnight, the parents were tight lipped and said what happened on the bus stays on the bus .

The only person willing to comment was the bus driver, "The little tykes would have been happy to see a rusted out tractor. It's a shame what happened to Rob when he wanted to stop at Piggley's all night store in Mount Tremper.", he muttered shaking his head. "The guy is clueless."

Plans On Hold

In a phone interview, Phat Elison spoke with a heavy heart," I tried to to get people to see that we needed route 28 to be commercially zoned but they could not see what is best for them." Elison went on to say she had found an investor for her new enterprise and she could not beleive she had to look for a new location. Having had her heart set on the entrance to the town, she wasn't sure if her business would be viable elsewhere in town. "I had a name picked out and everything. I even promised my biggest supporter the first dance," she sniffed. Elison, because of the economic downturn joined Joanna Klabb as a dancer in the Blue Moon to make ends meet. "I was mortified the first time out  but then the attention I got was riveting and I was hooked," she bragged. Elison said that for now her plans of opening a club are on hold. Elison is the former chairman of the Adult Recreation committee who was charged by the town with writing a law concerning strip clubs.

Not ready for Prime Time

Townspeople expressed dismay in Phoenicia this week that the town board meeting was not aired. When asked, Stoopidviser Rob Stankley said he ordered public access TV off the air during the Town Board meeting. "You can watch it at a later date for now but we will not broadcast live, " he declared. According to Stankley his acting coach said he was not ready for prime time. "She told me I let a couple of audience members get the best of me and in an election year that is not a good thing." He further explained that less and less people will watch the meetings if they are shown at a later date so all in all that is helpful if people just let him do what he thinks is best. "Look, I raised the taxes a whopping 12 percent and told everybody it was out of their pocket as a mere 5% and not one reporter wrote about the huge increase," he chuckled. Stankley said the key is to keep information blurred. He went on to say that although he loves the camera, it is best if everyone is left in the dark when it comes to town business. "Just look at the town website," he smirked, " I write about everything but town business and nobody says a word. Read about contests and firehouse breakfasts but nothing about what I don't want to be telling you." Stankley then asked if his picture was going to be taken and mugged for the shot.

Ghost Hunters to film in Phoenicia NY

Phoenicia NY February 1, 2010, The widely acclaimed show Ghost Hunterz is scheduled to film in Phoenicia NY this spring. The subject of the episode will be the SHARPY committee on Main St. in the Hamlet.

There is little activity at the committee’s headquarters in Phoenicia NY these days. In recent years all of the low income housing has been sold off. Grants for heating were depleated in the 1990’s redoing kitchens and other cosmetic remedies to make residents feel better. At a recent round table SHARP Board members, Director Snide and residents discussed SHARPs role in the community.

According to Snide “One ladies son died so we gave her new cabinets. And then our current Supervisor, Rob Stankley left his wife for a string of drunken one-nighters so we redid her house. He still owns it with her so if he ever sobers up he can cash in. We hear he has a new anchor baby with an illegal so we were looking for some funds to redo the nursery. Then we found out the apartment is so small the baby sleeps in the bathtub with the goats so we put that on hold. “

On the subject of Ghost Hunting, Snide lamented, “ It was once one of my favorite activities and I am hoping this will jump start my career in that field again. Obviously SHARP is on it’s last legs. A few times I have come into the office and heard voices.’ HEEEEEEET, HEEEEEEEEET’ they seem to be moaning. there is a legend that a woman in Woodland was turned down for a loan after she voted democrat who froze to death, but we have been unable to substantiate that.

“We are very excited for this opportunity” Said Jackoff Jordan in an interview Monday. “The SHARPEY committee is just an apparition as far as agencies that serve the public go, so going with the phantom theory fits right in. At this point in time SHARP barely exists”

“ I agree” stated fellow board member Joanne Klabb “ why Buffy and were just talking the other day how funds disappeared faster than our collective sex appeal last year”

“Yes” Buffy concurred “I can’t remember the last time I had a grant approved or an orgasm for that matter. Well unless you count that time I was grooming the cat. But seriously, I am just rehashing the same old grant we had last year cause we never gave out any money”

“True” stated Phoenica resident Ima Freizen , 77, “Last year I was heating my home with a sterno and newspaper logs and SHARP refused to help me. They said I had to count all that free food I got from Sleez Smith as income so I didn’t qualify. Even after I deducted the stuff that was rotten! This year I stopped taking the food, after all, how many stale pies can you eat? No Jackoff! I won’t ask John Porn that one!! Anyway I have no more unread newspaper supply since the Phoenicia, er, I mean Communist Times went under so maybe I will get some help this year.”

“Ha ha, I doubt that” Buffy replied “we have just enough money in the budget to pay the salary I pretend I earn before we look to sell off our remaining assets”

The RESTORE (Residential Services To Offer Repairs to the Elderly) Program will offer services to income eligible homeowners aged 60 years and older for emergency repairs needed for issues such as, but not limited to: heating, electrical and water system failures, roofing repairs and other situations that require immediate attention. Assistance of up to $5,000.00 per home will be available beginning in February 2011.

Piggley Farmstand surpasses Belleayre as THE MOST SUCCESSFUL

At the November planning board meeting, Councilman JackASs Jordon declared the Piggley Farmstand the most successful business in town according to the sales tax receipts. When reminded that food is not taxable he declared, "They sell other stuff!" The board appears to be willing to do anything to make the illegal stand legal. "We'll turn 28 commercial!," they rallied. Reminded that the town does not have an adult entertainment law and could pave the way for strip clubs the Supervisor replied that finally the money he spends at New Paltz strip club will remain in town and since his girlfriend is gettin' fat, wink, wink, he'll need a daily diversion soon." It is part of my economic development plan put forth through my recreation committee," he leered.

Area Woman Irate Newspaper Folds

BIG INDIAN- Jo Jo Klabb spewed her final vitriolic acid tongued missive in the last issue of the Phaux Times, final for the Phaux Times that is. Known for her antics like the full page hate rages against mild mannered democrats in election years, the public hearing performances that promoted her husband's employers, and whining how hard she has to work since losing all their investment money in the project, Klabb has readily been the front man for special interests in Shandaken. Klabb refused to explain herself to this reporter instead screaming that she would continue to send her opinion to the editor, Brain Power, of the defunct paper whether he wanted them or not. Klabb a champion poison author takes a smidgen of the truth and mixes it with lies until it breathes a life of it's own, though it has long been suspected the letters were written by an elderly equally deranged woman from Shandaken. As Klabb turned, her footprints left burning steam in the grass.

Native Shandaken Man Reveals Startling News

PHOENICIA, NY- Today, Charlie Brasier, who traced his family origins to the pre-beginnings of Shandaken time, where they consider a native is to be more local than a local, revealed that a famous folk song was written about his Daddy. "This just goes to show," crowed Charlie.

Person With Almost No Responsibility Always Stressed Out

MOUNT TREMPER, NY—Friends of local woman Buffy Kobe, reported Tuesday that the 54-year-old somehow lives in a perpetual state of anxiety and agitation despite of her total lack of any meaningful personal or professional responsibilities. "She rushes around all panicked every morning grumbling that she's running late," Rob Stankley said of his friend with benefits(usually on Tuesday morning), whose frequent sighs of frustration and unending claims of exhaustion belie the fact that no one depends on her for emotional support or for the income of her part-time job working at SHARP. "Buffy sleeps more than anyone I know, yet every other week she complains about how she's feeling sick and desperately needs a vacation." Buffy was unavailable for comment, telling reporters that she was "totally swamped" with a bunch of work and personal stuff. Friends opined that perhaps spending the "profits" from the sale of Friendship Manor was indeed exhausting.

Biggest Idiot in recent memory

The constant refrain of the past 8 years of "Can you hear me know" Chuck Peerez and Rob Stankley is strangely quiet since January. No one has voiced the opinion that the Town is probably the owner of the cell tower since Mariner has reneged on the tower contract and most likely out of business. Strangely, no one has voiced any opinion, for that matter, on anything. Yet, Hack Jordon came up with a solution that has the taxpayers providing cell service to the Town Hall. What a guy! With his brain working at full capacity, Jordon suggested, as offered by the cell provider, everyone of us buy relay antenna and boosters to get cell service. All except the town hall which will get it bought by you and me. Jordon called this a step in the right direction. So let's take $250, the cheapest booster, times approximately 1500 homes in the area, and the cell company would rack up $375,000.00 With no guarantee of a strong signal. Hack is right on top of it, isn't he? Communication + Teamwork = Success

A Man Called Mustang_______Sally

Shandaken chapter in the saga loosely based on the story "A Man Called Horse."
In 1998 a commodities trader is captured by a developer. He lives with other investors and begins to understand/accept their lifestyles.
Eventually he is accepted as part of the tribe and becomes their leader. See the grueling ritual of hanging him with hooks by his man boobs to the beating of the big drums when the Big Indian tribe makes him their chief.
Free. Big Indian Park Sat. June 12th.
Fun for the whole family.
Refreshments served following the official naming of Mustang Sally to  Chief of Lost Cause Tribe and the re-dedication of sacred jaundiced totem pole.

Georgie Porgie ran away

The Daily Freeman has a service to report issues in town.

Looking at Phoenicia, what do we find? A dangerous pullout, a missing sign and a speeding car. Checking out each of them we see the Shandaken Police are watching.
http://www.seeclickfix.com/watch_area/8371 Hmm... interesting. 16 fix it and 29  complaints on the dangerous pull out and one for the speeding car. What issue does Officer Porgie promise to look into? Ha! Wrong! The one speeding car..... where? you ask breathlessly.... Broadstreet hollow in ???????? What? CHICHESTER!!!!! HAHAHA Porgie wants to put more patrols in Broadstreet hollow, Chichester. Sounds like he got punked by John Porn. Geez John, wonder who could that be you fingered? No! Not little kids.... Geez! John! THAT is a different issue. Make us PUKE.You said it was a  white haired man who drives a little red car. Really, John? Really. Hey Georgie Porgie! Do you live in Chichester?

Prestigious and Coveted Cup

The Shandaken Day Cup is the most coveted award of Shandaken Day. Though hardly anybody outside of the Big Indian fire department cared, still it is considered prestigious by those who state it with loud conviction over and over. The Cup, not a traditional prize, is won through various bogus games of skill, hence the extreme lack of participation. Last year, Big Indian FD won, not surprisingly as they were the only department to show. The Cup boasts a two sided graphic with the hosting hamlet's logo on the outside and the eagle logo on the inside. Those who have wore the cup serendipitously, reported that the thrill of having an eagle near the proximity was unparalleled. Supervisor Stanley urged everyone to participate in the games and promised to place the award on the winner in a special ceremony. Photo: Big Indian Shandaken Day Cup

Sunrise Service

Shandaken NY: The annual sunrise service was held by the Shandaken Eagle Committee this Easter. The Order of the Grand Talon wore their official uniforms and performed the ritual dance of the dung. Six baby kittens were also sacrificed. When asked what a predatory bird had to do with a religous holiday, the reporter in attendance was pelted with a white substance and accused of not supporting the troops. The Shandaken Eagle, once a part of a train station or some other big building, was bought for $12 at a white elephant sale in Hoboken in 1986. Since then the spiritual essence of the big brass avian has been touted by several residents. " I saw it cry blood on Jerry Sayso's birthday" cried Jane Rosbitch. After the ceremony, John Horny was having an egg hunt for all who were interested.

Republican Club spent almost $2,000 at bondage-themed strip club

SHANDAKEN -- Under fire from both the right and the left, the Republican Club is investigating how and why it spent nearly $2,000 for "meals" at a bondage-themed strip club in near New Paltz featuring topless dancers simulating lesbian sex.

The Republicans confirmed Monday that it reimbursed a Shandaken member for $1,946 spent at The Bleu Moon, a high-end bar/lounge that's described on one Web site as "classic slutty" where "you might not be completely shocked at the almost naked women writhing on each other, but you will undoubtedly be in awe."

"It was obviously improper for more than one reason," said a party spokesman John Horney. "It was not a sanctioned SRC activity. It was improper because of the venue."  He denied knowing if any club members were dancers or patrons.

I love the smell of brimstone in the morning

Dig all you want. I will be here forever.

Perma-rage

Clerk Lauralynn is in a snit again. Obviously this, her latest, is directed, once again, at a specific target. First posted on the website, then spoken inarticulately or with as they say, forked tongue, at the board meeting and then put in the paper at taxpayer expense, Frasier is accusing you, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, of harboring a snake or as she likes to call it, an unlicensed wild animal.
She KNOWS there are snakes in Shandaken.
Maliciously slithering out an alternative motive she hissed,"You know I always get what I want and if you cross me, I'll make you pay!"

WHO are these snakes?

I pledge open government______________NOT!

Transparency seems simple enough. Show us the money, show us the resolutions. The pursuit of an open government should be done with an open mind. HA! One month into his administration and already playing games.

2010 the year of the Stoopidman

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poor pitiful charlie holds the prize for longest seat warmer on the planning board and can't even get appointed temporary chair. wonder if the town board  advertised his position every time his term was up? looks like he's got the buyron curse, can't get elected judge and lost his mojo. gosh, it would be a shame if this put him in a beatin' mood.hahaha How bout tiny and lauralynn askin' vin if he was a good catholic boy? Me thinks he's a little too old to be an altar boy.hahaha why is the town Bored so reluctant to put in a time clock for the town employees? The highway workers use one. Is it because when g and g go to "lunch" they lose track of time and come back to work late but still get paid for having "lunch"? hahaha where is the buffster? rumor has it she's learnin' some moves from patty cakes for a new interview after her last one put the judges off their lunch. we were wrong about cakes finding love at the bleu moon, well somewhat wrong, hearsay has it was the other dancers who stimulated her libido. hahaha do you remember when swingers were all the rage in town? why do the kallbs always sit between the gailles?hhahaha does rob have to torture jacck and make him read in public? couldn't' he show some compassion and read for him? do ya think jack'll push the gary g idea of givin us just the number of the resolution for the board to take a vote on or will he git some more education and learn himself to be a better reader? hhahaha what is robs obsession with Mary?  hahaha . why does rob have to lie? everybody knows it when he does it. lee ann trained wendy, yea right how'd she do that when she was workin at SHARP? why can't Pep train another girl? after all she's the one who makes them run cryin.hahaha . looks like the state is comin to town do do an audit.  do they know about the donation funds, does anyone ever get a receipt? Or is that extra special books that lauralynn keeps for herself? hahaha rob has told lots of folks in phoenicia that he will have a moratorium on the sewer for two years. two years to do what? is he hoping he doesn't get reeelected so he won't have to make a decision? let's see if charlie has the balls to ask him. hahaha rob passes shandaken day off to vin, he doesn't want it and tries to pass it off to jack who jumps at the chance to gaze into marys eyes as museum liason rather than have to do shandaken day.. No takers. no one wants to work with lauralynn. HAHAHA rob did this publically?  din't he talk to his cronies before the meeting? he is on all the committes so you just know it'll have to  be great this year up in glenbrook park, Robby boyz home halmet. we pay  taxes so this event can happen because it brings in the tourists.HAHAHA or is it roszit landing? isn't that where the aliens probed?hmmm Pine hill water billing is twice that of Phoenicias yet if you totalled the number of bills that get sent out it would be the same number. hahaha Ger sezso is chomping to get named to the planning board over reappointing Waterman. Ger has cost thousands in legal fees for lawsuts brought on by his stoopidity. Sure Rob will put him back on. what's your tax money to Rob? Spending money! hAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha

Predictions and Predilections

 Looked into my crystal ball, and listened to the whispers from my beh beh's ghost father, channeled my cat, read my name in numerology and 
 presto 

new predictions from beautiful in my mind psychic  Helena. (with a little help from my gurus/loves of my life Gary Spivey and Rob.)

1. Tiny Rice, Rob's other squeeze 2.0, hired as Rob's new secretary (who else has the  stomach for Laurilyn and Pep Patti?)
2. Rob Stankley's mother hired as the Museum director.
3. Gittah pulls a swindle and leaves New York possibly to Maryland with the AIP land buyout money screwing his investors and partners.
4. The rumors spread by Flake Killin at the diner end with tragedy as someone is seriously hurt or killed.
5. Shandaken Day 2010 will have a whopping 100 attendees,  another failed economic stimulus picked up by the taxpayers touted by Rob.
   
6. Joan Larry Blower hired as the new social service director (she'll declare Shandaken poverty stricken to get Gittah his HUD grants for the SDEIS so he can get his money to blow town. Her house is triple mortgaged investing in his scheme!)
7. Police corruption claims are made as a huge illegal immigrant ring is uncovered in Pine Hill and Phoenicia.
8. Stankley pays the Buffster $12,000 to hang flower baskets in Phoenicia, another failed economic stimulus picked up by the taxpayers touted by Rob.
9. Jo Jo hired as new deputy clerk (Lauri will have a lot more to beat up on- really as in black and blue)
10. Jane Roszits hosts alien party with in depth explanations of what it is like to be probed.
11. Patty Cakes finally finds love (rumor has it she is meeting lots of hotties at the BLEU MOON while pole dancing)
12. Kathy Aley continues to be known by her former husband's last name and communicates how she wants Hack to vote or what to say via texting. He is strangely at a loss for words when she needs to leave town. (Wait for it! We saw this trick with Jane and Ward!)
13. An important public figure is revealed to be a member of a white supremacy movement with 2010 seeing a serious increase in racist attacks.
14. Buffy, Rob's other squeeze, gives Stankley more personal grants (for his house where his first family lives? to get his other girlfriend a green card? to paint his car plaid? to get a manly haircut? for the STD love shack?)
15. The new town board gives the go ahead for the Phoenicia sewer with Boris, Rob and Hack voting yes (Poor Rick and Mike really talked up Randy, who? How much will that sewer bill be? HOW MUCH?)
16. Denise and Rick Wiccerdella blow their gaskets.
17. Boob Kalb attempts to pay his delinquent tax bill with Big Indian wooden nickels.
18. Stankley spends $100,000 for a skate park using the good neighbor fund while bonding a new ambulance for 150,000 dollars paid out of taxpayers pockets.
19. Rick wiccerdella fired as water commissioner, replaced by Shandaken's  sweetheart Charlie Brazier.
    
20. The new town board makes the Crossroads project an Empire zone (I'm predicting February- how about you?)
21. The stock market fails again and the Smartie and Gary  G unable  to recover. (the empire zone will not help - too little too late, too bad Gittah left with the cash)
22. Corruption claims made as a huge illegal sex ring is uncovered as part of an investigation of Uncle Johnny and his cronies with rumors pointing to the court.
23. Al Pigley finally eats a piece of fruit from his own business and chokes on the rot.
24. No laws enforced fairly and equally in Shandaken.
25. The handicap bathrooms at Glenbrook Park promised by Stankley plumbers not finished.
26. Stankley bankrupts Shandaken and begs Patterson for a casino as part of his economic development vision (like the skate park, the flowers, the new town hall, the empire zone, the sewer) and as payback for his investment pals.
27. Vin, Tim and Boris three steps behind blurting out yes votes to anything just to seem like they know what's going on. 
28. From our readers SHARP folds, and the Buffster, unable to put herself up for adoption after royaly screwing over her own mother, starts ghostbusting full time
29. And this Rob usurps Mr. Clean, unquestionably, as THE most hated man in Shandaken holding the title through 2033
30. And this Tiny Rice has to be let go after five office chairs are broken and is replaced by Kathy Aley aka Hack Jordon's wifey who proceeds to do what she does best, pay the same voucher three and more times over. 
31. And this  Vin makes an announcement that he would like our votes making him volunteer of the year, Rob objects that he is the logical choice, Hack chimes in that he volunteers the most, only to be pushed aside by the Buffster who claims she is the hardest working girl. When asked what it is they have volunteered for? Vin tells of all the hours he spends at the diner talking politics, Rob points to the rec committee who he is liaison for, Hack spouts his work with the children at Onteora and the Buffster tells of all the seniors she has helped. The audience is stunned.Brain Powers has to boot up his laptop to read the dictionary meaning which flies directly over their heads. Beating of the chests and face to face roars ensue with the Buffster letting the first punch fly.