This is not satire.

Daniel, carrying the town's comprehensive plan document, was present to represent Alfred Higley at an "informational meeting" on re-zoning Route 28 from residential to commercial, held by the Town Board. Dan abruptly left in the middle of the meeting after apparently discerning the truth and wishing to distance himself from fools. The look on Higley and his other legal representation Pat Ellison was of incredulous disbelief. Priceless.
Super Lawyer Daniel G. Heppner

The Final solution as outlined by Stupidvisor Stankley

ALLABEN- We know, historically, that there will be another event coming in the next few months. Our residents and business owners cannot continue to operate under the constant threat of flooding to their lives and livelihood.  Along with Engineers, board members toured and discussed possible solutions in the short term and long term. Discussion ensued that engineering was necessary to ensure whatever approach is taken 1)proceeds quickly and 2)must be effective. Again, work of this nature does not come free no matter who is footing the bill. All involved personnel want to ensure that money is not wasted on an ineffective measure.   
We need to solve this issue with as much expediency as is humanly possible, so these high-tech waterproof, windproof and breathable socks have been selected as the final long term plan to the flooding problems by the Shandaken Town Board. The unique fabric used in their manufacture enables moisture to dissipate away from the skin, ensuring feet stay dry, warm and blister-free in the most extreme of conditions. They really do work, and do so equally well on cold days crossing the Esopus, or even flood days on Main Street!
The solution will be available only to those residents who applied for FEMA relief for the past three floods, the rest of you will have to quit whining.

JackAss Denies Phoenicia Delegation

SHANDAKEN, NY- At the October town board meeting, a delegation of Phoenicia residents requested legal representation for the pending sewer contract. The delegation explained that the City has an army of lawyers at their disposal but the Phoenicia sewer use district has not one to examine what will eventually be a five pound document. With his brain working at full capacity, Councilman JackAss Jordan vehemently denied their right to understand a contract between the sewer users and New York City. Jordan went on to say the delegation needed a Request For Proposal, a protocol that has eluded his mental acumen. He further demanded the definition of a simple third grade level comprehension word used  in a resolution, as apparently he hasn't found a use for a dictionary or computer. When asked about his cerebral deficiencies Jordan waved his various school degrees as proof he had a brain. A local man was heard to remark," What a waste, the man was educated beyond his intellect."

Sunrise Service

Shandaken NY: The annual sunrise service was held by the Shandaken Eagle Committee this Easter. The Order of the Grand Talon wore their official uniforms and performed the ritual dance of the dung. Six baby kittens were also sacrificed. When asked what a predatory bird had to do with a religous holiday, the reporter in attendance was pelted with a white substance and accused of not supporting the troops. The Shandaken Eagle, once a part of a train station or some other big building, was bought for $12 at a white elephant sale in Hoboken in 1986. Since then the spiritual essence of the big brass avian has been touted by several residents. " I saw it cry blood on Jerry Sayso's birthday" cried Jane Rosbitch. After the ceremony, John Horny was having an egg hunt for all who were interested.

He speaks fluent gooblygook.. who knew?

Rob Stanley  showed the audience how adept he was at speaking gooblygook at the February town board meeting. When councilman Dim Malloy asked why the officer in charge couldn't use the retired squad car for his vehicle, stankley replied in vintage gooblygook that had Malloy looking blankly confused which admitedly isn't remotely difficult.
Asked to clarify his answer, he did so again in middle gooblygook which resulted in the town board buying a new vehicle for the chief,  a new cruiser for the police department,  a clown car for the zoning officer, and a scooter for Hack, using the good neighbor fund and leaving the capital expense line that was created for such purchases untouched. Chuck Perez protested to no avail as Stankley blurted he was enrolled in advanced politic speak which he was anxious to try out on the town. He later admitted his first attempt was reading the Time Warner list of shows rather than read the New York Comptroller's report on problems in the town accounts. "It was perfect," he gleefully exclaimed, " Not one question about the report!"

2010 the year of the Stoopidman

No content or images on this blog can be copied and used without permission from the blogger. Even if we are using images we just lifted off the internet that we just googled, we think we own them. Pictures and content are property of shandakenunnplugged.blogspot.com and any copy-cat sites using this material that we just copied and pasted are in violation of  our made-up copyright laws. This notice is being posted on imaginary advisement of Blogspot.com and its parent company, Google.

poor pitiful charlie holds the prize for longest seat warmer on the planning board and can't even get appointed temporary chair. wonder if the town board  advertised his position every time his term was up? looks like he's got the buyron curse, can't get elected judge and lost his mojo. gosh, it would be a shame if this put him in a beatin' mood.hahaha How bout tiny and lauralynn askin' vin if he was a good catholic boy? Me thinks he's a little too old to be an altar boy.hahaha why is the town Bored so reluctant to put in a time clock for the town employees? The highway workers use one. Is it because when g and g go to "lunch" they lose track of time and come back to work late but still get paid for having "lunch"? hahaha where is the buffster? rumor has it she's learnin' some moves from patty cakes for a new interview after her last one put the judges off their lunch. we were wrong about cakes finding love at the bleu moon, well somewhat wrong, hearsay has it was the other dancers who stimulated her libido. hahaha do you remember when swingers were all the rage in town? why do the kallbs always sit between the gailles?hhahaha does rob have to torture jacck and make him read in public? couldn't' he show some compassion and read for him? do ya think jack'll push the gary g idea of givin us just the number of the resolution for the board to take a vote on or will he git some more education and learn himself to be a better reader? hhahaha what is robs obsession with Mary?  hahaha . why does rob have to lie? everybody knows it when he does it. lee ann trained wendy, yea right how'd she do that when she was workin at SHARP? why can't Pep train another girl? after all she's the one who makes them run cryin.hahaha . looks like the state is comin to town do do an audit.  do they know about the donation funds, does anyone ever get a receipt? Or is that extra special books that lauralynn keeps for herself? hahaha rob has told lots of folks in phoenicia that he will have a moratorium on the sewer for two years. two years to do what? is he hoping he doesn't get reeelected so he won't have to make a decision? let's see if charlie has the balls to ask him. hahaha rob passes shandaken day off to vin, he doesn't want it and tries to pass it off to jack who jumps at the chance to gaze into marys eyes as museum liason rather than have to do shandaken day.. No takers. no one wants to work with lauralynn. HAHAHA rob did this publically?  din't he talk to his cronies before the meeting? he is on all the committes so you just know it'll have to  be great this year up in glenbrook park, Robby boyz home halmet. we pay  taxes so this event can happen because it brings in the tourists.HAHAHA or is it roszit landing? isn't that where the aliens probed?hmmm Pine hill water billing is twice that of Phoenicias yet if you totalled the number of bills that get sent out it would be the same number. hahaha Ger sezso is chomping to get named to the planning board over reappointing Waterman. Ger has cost thousands in legal fees for lawsuts brought on by his stoopidity. Sure Rob will put him back on. what's your tax money to Rob? Spending money! hAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha

Spreading the Holiday Cheer

The mailbox is fillin up, faster than Helena's shot glass. The little boys fron up the line are showing their crafty side, gotta love those two...

A Tale of Town Taxes or My $Green$ Acres

or How to Not Pay Taxes by Glarry Failes

A certain SMartie has been trying her best to to point out the lack of revenue coming into the town. We are glad she is worried. We would like to point out that a certain Glarry donated 3 landlocked acres  to the Town in hope they would use the Good Neighbor fund for a Discover water pool or some crap. He commanded they begin construction in three years or he wanted his very valuable land back. Glarry did not take his land back, even though Shandaken's dreams of becoming coveted host to the World's Dumbest Water Park were trashed when it washed out over the line to Delaware County. No, he let the land remain deeded to the town another 6 years. Then when his friend didn't get elected he  was afraid the town would use it for a transfer station or a dog run or something else useful.  He couldn't have that, Deannie might get mad, so he went to the town board and got it back, then sold it to *his* company for $55000.00, yeah for 3 crappy landlocked acres. When other investors were loosing money he was still cashing in. WHO cares the reader asks? That's the free market, Well, Helena would just like to point out that the 9 years this $Green$ Acres was deeded to the town SMartie and Glarry didn't pay the average oh $600 or so yearly taxes. Took the taxpayers for what $5600.00 dollars. I say we all donate our abodes to the town, with a time limit and a conditional use clause and get out of paying our taxes too.

Holey Moley!

Did you see the United Shandaken Party Campaign Car? Or is it Citizens for a Better Shandaken? Duh, whatever, I saw Patty Cakes, Jerk, Rob Bob , Jo Jo, Boob Kalb, Heavyhand Charlie, John Horny, and little girls pile out of the car like those clowns in the circus who keep coming and coming with Chairman Martie at the wheel. Quite the show... be careful, stay out of the way, they'll run you down.