Well played, Mr. Piggley?

Despite pleas to contribute to his mounting legal fees, a defiant Al Piggley is still in jail unable to make bail.

The plea was put out on social media pages as well as advertised in local news blogs and at Town board meeting by his son, Piglet, who as councilman is embarrassing the board by breaking his oath of office to uphold the laws not break them.

A total of 100 or so zoning and building violations, which accrued during the past ten years, has led to a monumental legal battle between the town of Shandaken and Piggley.

Boasting that he has more money than God, Piggley filed lawsuit after lawsuit against the town with the assurance that his loyal customers would help him defend his ill-conceived, brain-addled actions.

Piggley was arrested after defying a stop work order on April 1st.

Piggley reportedly spit and snarled at the press saying, this is not the first time he has been arrested or spent time behind bars, referring to the infamous meat scandal of the 80's.

Polled customers responded that they were loyal to low prices and that Piggley had different prices for different people.

" Apparently he really stuck it to people who were dressed nicely or drove a nice car," stated a woman who shopped for salami, "I guess he should have been nicer to them and not cheap ones and uneducated like me."

Handover customers were able to scrape enough money together to erect a sign in remembrance.

JackAss Denies Phoenicia Delegation

SHANDAKEN, NY- At the October town board meeting, a delegation of Phoenicia residents requested legal representation for the pending sewer contract. The delegation explained that the City has an army of lawyers at their disposal but the Phoenicia sewer use district has not one to examine what will eventually be a five pound document. With his brain working at full capacity, Councilman JackAss Jordan vehemently denied their right to understand a contract between the sewer users and New York City. Jordan went on to say the delegation needed a Request For Proposal, a protocol that has eluded his mental acumen. He further demanded the definition of a simple third grade level comprehension word used  in a resolution, as apparently he hasn't found a use for a dictionary or computer. When asked about his cerebral deficiencies Jordan waved his various school degrees as proof he had a brain. A local man was heard to remark," What a waste, the man was educated beyond his intellect."

Hacks Diet

Wanting to loose wieght for the upcoming sport season Hack Jorden decided to shop around for diets.

 John Porn suggested to him to a diet he had been using that was available on the web for a small monthly fee. "It's great" claimed Hack "They provide you with visual aides that along with specific arm movements are sure to rid the body of excess fluid buildup"

"Yes" John Porn chimed in " we have an entire network of users that have been employing this system for years, and we have a variety of stimulant packages for all tastes. You can include your partner or go it alone, your choice" Noting that he lives a solitary existence, John Porn went on to say that the system has not only made him feel relaxed but given him the tools he needs to forget just how repulsed the opposite sex is by him. "When you go through life with the social and moral obstacle I have, it's important to find a support group that shares your interest and hobbies. I feel like I have a new family and I am happy to share it with Hack"

When asked about a report on the web that this particular diet, while successful at ridding the body of excess fluid buildup as promised has also led to protein deficiencies and thick wrist syndrome, Hack scoffed.

"I have met many of Mr. Porn's associates and I can tell you they have no such problems. They are a great bunch of guys who look fine and are willing to share. All I can say is I tried the diet and I am hooked!"

Family Matters... especially during the holidays

 

So Micky was in front of the Judge in divorce court..

Let me get this straight the judge asked "You want to divorce Minnie because she is crazy?"

"Noooo" Mickey protested " I never said she was crazy,

I said SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY"

So this Thanksgiving when you are all alone with your hairless-Asian hybred hubby, wondering why your family has shunned you, think about Mickey and Minnie. Think about how Minnie still needed a little action and companionship when she was well into her twilight years. Did it make her crazy or just human? Who were you to judge and make her feel like she was wrong? You should hope that when you get to be her age your libido is still working as well as your heart. Think about how your greed and superiority have made you into the bitter cud chewing sow that you are. Maybe the spirits, those in the bottle and those brought to you by Gary Spivey, are enough to keep you company this holiday season. Your so-called friends hate you because of the wrath you have brought upon them. Your family hates you because of your selfish ways. But you still have your fantisies, you still have Harry Potter, The Disney Channel, and Ghostbusters Anonymous. Sleep well, Vance

NEW SOCIAL CLUB MEETS AT LIBRARY

The Shandaken Red Hat Society has been meeting for about 4 years now and are looking foward to their 5th anniversary Gala. Not pictured was Gerry Says-so and Al Pretenda who had previous commitments. These gals used to meet at a private home in Big Indian, but the club became so popular that they outgrew their space. Meetings are the second Thursday of the month at the Phoenicia Library