Alien skis for free

Despite the heightened security at Bellyair ski resort Stoopisvisor Stankley's girlfriend eluded the law. According to marketing know-it-all Joan Larry Blower, police were given free passes at the BellyAir resort in order to help cut down on crime. Seemingly their presence, according to Larry Blower, helped crack an infamous equipment theft ring. Tony Lanza, the former Supervisor allegedly is under investigation. Thousands of tickets were given away to law enforcement agencies throughout New York and one hotel in Pine Hill along with their waitress, the current girlfriend and Baby Mama of Stoopidvisor Stankley. Yet, despite the mountain crawling with law men, the women who is in the country illegally, was never apprehended and skied for free.

Well played, Mr. Piggley?

Despite pleas to contribute to his mounting legal fees, a defiant Al Piggley is still in jail unable to make bail.

The plea was put out on social media pages as well as advertised in local news blogs and at Town board meeting by his son, Piglet, who as councilman is embarrassing the board by breaking his oath of office to uphold the laws not break them.

A total of 100 or so zoning and building violations, which accrued during the past ten years, has led to a monumental legal battle between the town of Shandaken and Piggley.

Boasting that he has more money than God, Piggley filed lawsuit after lawsuit against the town with the assurance that his loyal customers would help him defend his ill-conceived, brain-addled actions.

Piggley was arrested after defying a stop work order on April 1st.

Piggley reportedly spit and snarled at the press saying, this is not the first time he has been arrested or spent time behind bars, referring to the infamous meat scandal of the 80's.

Polled customers responded that they were loyal to low prices and that Piggley had different prices for different people.

" Apparently he really stuck it to people who were dressed nicely or drove a nice car," stated a woman who shopped for salami, "I guess he should have been nicer to them and not cheap ones and uneducated like me."

Handover customers were able to scrape enough money together to erect a sign in remembrance.

Joannie attempts to create her own history

As a business owner here, the lack of discount ticket programs at Bellyayre Mt. this year has hurt you.

You know that when Belleyayre is at its best, it helps every other business in the region and that it is well-managed, and the whole state took cutbacks. But that didn’t stop Stupidvisor Stankley and Crosseyed Ventures from throwing Tony and the locals under the bus and try and get Belleyayre taken over by ORCA.

It's not a money maker for the state. Never has been, never will be. They break even at best, but it’s good for the region.  You also know that local controversies have created an impression for some that the Belleayre Mountain is a "loser."  Nothing could be further from the truth, well my truth at least. It's the Belleayre Resort that is the loser, especially if you invested in it. Sure Crossroads needs ORCA to develope their resort, but let's not go there.

            As we (Crossroads) try to end 62 years of DEC stewardship, it is critical to highlight how even though  I screw up everything I put my hands on, I am not above taking your money yet again. As we pray for a transition to ORCA operation, nothing could be more important than you financing my resume. That’s right I have a newly formed LLC, Mountain Bleedia.  I plan on kissing ORCA”s collective ass and try and land  a marketing job there. That way I don’t have to waste my time in Kingstown helping poor people. I can work for ORCA and push the Crosseyed Resort.

If I am to move into ORCA from a position of strength and, most important, let our new leaders know that as a con artist, I will expect nothing less than excellence and graft in the operation of these facilities.

            To that end, we are developing and will publish in March, an "album" of stories and photographs. Tentatively titled WE SCREWED BELLEAYRE, it will tell the history of the ski center through the faces and voices of the employees, skiers and community business owners who have cared for it, supported it, used it and promoted it for 62 years and then got screwed. Ultimately, the album will be a shoving piece that demonstrates that even though things aren’t as bad as Stankley and Crosseyed Ventures made things seem.

            The album will be designed as a keepsake and is sure to become an heirloom piece in many local homes. It will be one of the last publications (NOT COUNTING LAWSUITS) done while Bellyayre is still operated by the DEC, and its sepia tones inside will make it a joke of an historic artifact. WE SCREWED BELLEAYRE will be suitable for bird cages and puppy training pads.

And the best part is, I want you to pay for it! Ads to underwrite production costs will be designed and laid out to blend with the bullshit nature of the album.

            The more underwriters we have, the more impressive this will be to ORCA officials. So we hope you'll support this effort ……. AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.

 Very truly yours,

JLB

Shandaken looks to legalize Junkyards next

GOT JUNK?

A few of the cars waiting for Chucky's attention in Big Indian NY

 March 2, 2012, Shandaken NY- In a not so surprising move the Shandaken Town Board is drafting a law to legalize several junkyards in the town. Stupidvisor Stankley noted that although the new law would allow junkyards in every part of town, he specifically is targeting The Biiiiiig Indian area and the hill behind the diner.
"Chucky Perrriz has always been a great supporter of mine" Stankley recalled lovingly, "why he was the only one who came and thanked me after my 12% tax hike"
Chucky's station on Rte 28 no longer sells gas, he fixes a car here and there but the real money is in towing, he laughed.
" I love to tow cars, and it gets me away from the ol'ball and chain" Chucky bemused " but really I do kinda suck at fixing them, but when anyone asks I AM working on all of these, ALL 30-50 of them"
Shandaken has a long tradition of ignoring laws broken by people the administration likes, owes money to or happens to be related to. Take the legalization of Piggleys Farm Stand on Rte 28. Proving that you don't actually have to have a farm to have a farmstand, led Chucky to beg, er, ask Rob to make him legit also.
"Well, I fix more cars than Al grows tomatoes, so thats gooder, but how well I fix them or how much I over charge is not relavant." Chucky said "Why just go to Phoeny Town and ask that pancake flipper how much I charged to get her motor running, She'll tell you how cheap I am. Inexpensive too."
" It's not just Chucky I am beholden too" Rob Jr. added " Poor Sammy didn't get to have a cell tower behind his junkyard, well because his junkyard was illegal and people didn't want cell towers. I am just trying to be nice"  

A couple more over by the creek that are waiting for the parts to come in

When asked about the new tough zoning officer in town, Rob Jr. laughed. "We own him"
He went on to describe the "inventory" Bitchy Smokes was able to amass while he "worked" for Bluffy at NotSharp. Grants and old people are quite the lucrative combo.
" He can send himself a violation, look at his yard. And besides Shandaken Zoning Officers never act without a formal complaint from a citizen, Why should they have people mad at them? With a formal complaint you get to pass the buck."
"Once, when I was allowed out, Ok,  my wife was out of town so I went out," Chucky confessed" I went to the bar and found Rob. I heard a rumor neighbors were going to complain, They said my mess was keeping them from selling their property. So I told Rob, Bitchy has two junk cars on his lawn, what ya going to do now pretty boy. Make me legal"
Rob agreed,  then they did body shots till the wee hours of the morning.
A hearing will be scheduled at a future inconvienant date.

and a few more

Belleayre Mountain Ski Center temporarily shuts down due to apparent staff shafting

Rob Stankly Shandaken Town Stupidvisor hangs on

By JAY BRAINLESSMAN JR.

Corruptpundent

HIGHMOUNT, N.Y. —  The stage was set Saturday morning at Belleayre Mountain Ski Center for what promised to be a great day of skiing.

There was freshly fallen snow covering the slopes, a rarity this winter, and it was a holiday weekend, one that historically has been a busy time at the state-owned facility.

But with all the snow and all the skiers, there was still one critical element missing: The staff needed to get the chairlifts running.

“I don’t know what it was,”  Joe Schmelly, chairman of the Coalition to Screw Belleayre, said Monday of the staff shortage.

Schmelly said that he went to Belleayre Saturday morning to look at all he ruled over and saw that no lifts were running and heard that it was due to several staffers calling in sick that morning. Those staff were critical employees needed to inspect the chairlifts and get them running for the day, he said. “They have no right to get sick, we own their asses, “

Schmelly said he is aware that the situation is being viewed by many as some form of protest of the anticipated takeover of Belleayre by the Olympic Regional Crossroads Authority, but he was quick to note that regardless, the matter was handled quickly with the help of a cooperative Windbags Mountain.

“ Screw those sick people, they are just little people, did they have the brains to make a cool half mil off Don Guitar like I did? No, NO.  My wife took time off from her bulimia and plastic surgery schedule to buy a crap piece of landlocked land for a couple of thousand and wa-lah, Deen turned it into 500,000. Hah who gives a crap these people worked at Bellyair for 25 years and want a pension. They can kiss ORCA’s ass if they want to keep their benefits. “

Windbags is a privately owned ski center in Greene County and a competitor of Belleayre, but according to Schmelly, the operators of Windbags offered help and sent their SCAB’s to Belleayre to get the lifts going.

“They were skiing by mid-day,” Schmelly said. "Stankley was drinking by sunrise"

Schmelly said that if one were to assume that this was some form of a job action, that it is an unfortunate residual to the impending change that is store for the Bellyayre and its employees.

“I couldn’t care less that change is unnerving,’ he said. “What we really don’t want is communication between the state and the community about what exactly is happening. Deen and Glarry will import workers for next year. Our new motto is “SCREW THE LOCALS, WE DON’T NEED EM’”. Boob Knawful has used that one for 30 yrs. “

On Monday several calls to Bellyayre’s Stupidintendent, Tony Ponzi, went unreturned. Rumor has it he is always whining how he has no friends. “Deen moved, Glennn died, Klab and Stankly Sr. went crazy,  I am all alone,” has been heard from behind his closed office door.

Saturday’s events came on the heels of a petition circulating in the region urging Gov. Andrew Cuomo “to re-engage Belleayre’s Stupidintendent, Tony Ponzi,  together with the dedicated employees who have worked so hard to insure the success of the Bellyayre Ski Center.”

“Yeah good luck with that” laughed Schmelly.

Meanwhile Shandaken Stupidvisor Rob Stankly Jr. was in the bar unaware the lifts were not running.

“What? I will fire every one of those f^%$*ers that did not show up!! “ Stankly stammered when he became apprised of the situation. “They will be sorry when they get their tax bills and see the increase in taxes that goes directly to ORCA. They’ll come crawling back to me”

When told the so-called sick employees did not work for him, they worked for the DEC, Stankley, burped, farted and ordered another drink. Sensing he sharted himself, this reporter left the area.

Cuomo has called for the Olympic Regional Crossroads Authority to take over management of Belleayre from the State Department of Environmental Conservation.

If the state Legislature supports the plan, the transition is expected to take place at the end if this ski season.

Stankley's new found moderaton made possible by the Guvnor

Stoopidvisor Stankley revealed a moderate increase to his budget unlike last years crushing 12% increase. In an interview, he veiled the real increase by stating the costs for flooding have not been tallied, leaving him an opening as wide as the flooding Esopus, when things go very very wrong, like they did in his last budget.

Stankley, not surprisingly, has yet to make good on the one and only campaign promise he made declaring he would enforce the laws of Shandaken, equally. In fact, he now says everyone in town is breaking snippets of the a law.

He also declared that Phoenicia is a flood plain, not worth saving and all commercial enterprises must move to route 28 whether or not it is legally rezoned.

In his last sad attempt to get reelected, Stankley made a desparate bid to seem intelligent by declaring he graduated sumos cum loud. When asked to provide proof, he looked bewildered and declared Beefy Kibe would vouch for him.

In unrelated news,  SHARP is again under investigation for giving flood victims pocket change and then declaring the flood funds depleted.

Stankley lashes out at vicious adultery rumor

SHANDAKEN Republican stoopidvisor Robert A-hole Stankley lashed out Wednesday at vicious allegations that he has been having an adulterous affair with a woman on his recreation board.

"I wanted to hold this press conference to say unambiguously that my girlfriends and I have  faithfully cheated on my wife for 12 years," Stankley said.

Stankley said he believed the story was being disseminated by a rival recreation campaign which he did not name.

"The core idea of this rumor campaign is that I have violated the vows that I made to my wife 18 years ago," Stankley said, "but as everyone knows I have remained with my present girlfriend throughout her pregnancy."

Stankley when on to declare that those were not puppy dog eyes he was making at the chair of the recreation board. Longtime former Chair, Tiny Lice, was heard to be whimpering in the back row.

Bar baby

Stoopidvisor Rob A-hole Stankley headed straight for the bar at the Bellyair bash Friday night. Free beer was obviously the drive that propelled his legs causing his undocumented Brazilian girlfriend to scamper behind. She was overheard pleading with Rob to please not spend the whole night on a bar stool. Where is Grandma when he's out drinking with her grandchild?
Murmurs of concern for the welfare of the infant grew as it was revealed he frequents other bars with baby in tow prompting a lively and surprising informative discussion about fetal alcohol syndrome and the benefits of early child development programs and head start. The discussion quickly dissolved into tea party "get your hands off my kid" diatribes and the child in the bar was forgotten.

Shandaken Stoopidvisor bought the farm

Allaben, NY. The Shandaken Stoopidvisor announced the recreation program field trip at the July meeting as "getting in touch with our inner farmstand".

The trip was free, as is all the recreation field trips and the recreation summer programs which mainly consist of letting kids get sun burned at Bellyair beach or the winter program of skiing, in what Stankley touts as super special, though all the surrounding towns are offered the same deal from the ski area. Free, as in, your taxes paid for that.

Missy Weaken, 54, Pine Hill, declared the parents were standing in the parking lot since the crack of dawn which she thought was odd since she saw the Stankley stumbling home at 4am pushing an infant in a stroller after coming out of a main street bar. "As I recall, parents had to wait for hours for Stankley to get his ass on the bus last year. I can't believe they let him do it to them again," she chuckled.

Off the record, the bus driver said the chirren are made to wait hours and have missed the boat,  the actual Circleline boat, since Stankley got involved with the recreation committee field trips.

"It used to be first come, first serve until Rob took control and started saving seats for his family and their friends. One year after the "entitled" got on board, there were only two seats left," claimed Jane Rozzbitch,102, Shandaken," luckily my great grandchild was BFF with Rob's son's BF, who got a seat for bringing candy."

Parents were grumbling by the time Stankley arrived looking like he slept in the gutter.

"We yanked our kids out of bed in the dark to do this trip. Some parents flashed the bus driver some green to start rolling without him," snorted Jim Baggins, 40, Phoenicia.

I have never met Rob," Carole Naiveity, 32, of Bushnellsville stated, "What I saw was frightening and he smelled like the bottom of an old shoe."

When Stankley finally climbed on board, he promised the children they would see the most wondrous farm owned by his favorite local business man. He then asked everyone to sing "Old man Piggley has a farm, e, i, e, i, ooooo" which put everyone in a temporary better mood.

The bus traveled down Route 28,over the Rhinebeck bridge and that is when the confusion began.

"I never was tole where we was goin',"declared the bus driver," I was tole the Stoopidvisor was the man in charge and he would tell me where to go."

The bus apparently went all around Red Hook, doubling back several times and then traveled to the Taconic reaching almost to Westchester before turning around.

"Whenever a road appeared, Rob tole me to take it. This must be were the farm is, he'd say, take that road!," he explained. "It prally woodn't have gotten so bad if he wooda stopped singin that damn song."

As part of the field trips perks the children and parents were promised a farm fresh lunch as part Piggley"s commitment to the farm to school initiative.

"You know it was getting dark and Rob would not admit he was wrong or had been duped, he just kept saying, 'He told me he had a farm' between bouts of singing that damn song," said Sally Wright, 24, Woodland Valley."He was deranged."

The parents and children were exhausted and hungry from traveling in circles all day long with no food or beverages on board.

"I've known Rob for ages, he lies. There! I've said it," remarked June LaSnarka, 98, Big Indian.

"What was astonishing was he could not believe someone lied to him, when I've never told him the truth", smirked Nancy Smites, 98, Pine Hill.

When the bus arrived back in Shandaken around midnight, the parents were tight lipped and said what happened on the bus stays on the bus .

The only person willing to comment was the bus driver, "The little tykes would have been happy to see a rusted out tractor. It's a shame what happened to Rob when he wanted to stop at Piggley's all night store in Mount Tremper.", he muttered shaking his head. "The guy is clueless."

Wannabe

Ulster County, NY— Shandaken Town Stoopidvisor, Robert A.-hole Stankley, has endorsed Mike Hein for a second term as Ulster County Executive.  Stoopidvisor Stanley’s endorsement joined a growing list of Town Supervisors.  All of the Democratic Supervisors that have already endorsed Mike Hein for County Executive and this is the third Republican Town Supervisor to jump on the bandwagon.

“As Town of Shandaken Stoopidvisor Stanley’s, I wholeheartedly endorse Mike Hein for re-election as Ulster County Executive,” said Shandaken Town Stoopidvisor Stanley’s Robert A.-hole Stanley.  Mike and his staff have been readily accessible and eager to assist in the inconsequential issues Shandaken has faced over my term, though nada actually gets resolved. Whether the issue involved job losses at the Resort/Spa and economic effects of the cuts that improved Belleayre Mountain, minor sidewalk flooding in Main St., Phoenicia, or other petty issues concerning the NYC DEP, Mike personally has kept himself abreast (teehee) of our issues and is genuinely concerned for the well being and betterment of our residents and businesses, although he has offered nada to remedy anything. He has personally been involved in many of our late night discussions with other agencies in our area and has been supportive of my perspective when push has come to shove on these issues, though nada has come from all this yapping, shoving, and bonding. I am happy to bend over to endorse Mike for a second term and look forward to continuing to foster the relationship he has established with me and I hope by linking my name with his, I'll get re-elected by the clueless Democrats."

I think Republican Stoopidvisor Stanley’s Stanley’s endorsement, is hilarious as I am the only one running and the Democrats rule Ulster County,” said Mike Hein.  “I remain committed to serving all of the residents of Ulster County, even idiots like Stankley.  We live in an incredibly diverse, beautiful and geographically large community and, I am honored to serve as County Executive.”