Bar baby

Stoopidvisor Rob A-hole Stankley headed straight for the bar at the Bellyair bash Friday night. Free beer was obviously the drive that propelled his legs causing his undocumented Brazilian girlfriend to scamper behind. She was overheard pleading with Rob to please not spend the whole night on a bar stool. Where is Grandma when he's out drinking with her grandchild?
Murmurs of concern for the welfare of the infant grew as it was revealed he frequents other bars with baby in tow prompting a lively and surprising informative discussion about fetal alcohol syndrome and the benefits of early child development programs and head start. The discussion quickly dissolved into tea party "get your hands off my kid" diatribes and the child in the bar was forgotten.

Shandaken Stoopidvisor bought the farm

Allaben, NY. The Shandaken Stoopidvisor announced the recreation program field trip at the July meeting as "getting in touch with our inner farmstand".

The trip was free, as is all the recreation field trips and the recreation summer programs which mainly consist of letting kids get sun burned at Bellyair beach or the winter program of skiing, in what Stankley touts as super special, though all the surrounding towns are offered the same deal from the ski area. Free, as in, your taxes paid for that.

Missy Weaken, 54, Pine Hill, declared the parents were standing in the parking lot since the crack of dawn which she thought was odd since she saw the Stankley stumbling home at 4am pushing an infant in a stroller after coming out of a main street bar. "As I recall, parents had to wait for hours for Stankley to get his ass on the bus last year. I can't believe they let him do it to them again," she chuckled.

Off the record, the bus driver said the chirren are made to wait hours and have missed the boat,  the actual Circleline boat, since Stankley got involved with the recreation committee field trips.

"It used to be first come, first serve until Rob took control and started saving seats for his family and their friends. One year after the "entitled" got on board, there were only two seats left," claimed Jane Rozzbitch,102, Shandaken," luckily my great grandchild was BFF with Rob's son's BF, who got a seat for bringing candy."

Parents were grumbling by the time Stankley arrived looking like he slept in the gutter.

"We yanked our kids out of bed in the dark to do this trip. Some parents flashed the bus driver some green to start rolling without him," snorted Jim Baggins, 40, Phoenicia.

I have never met Rob," Carole Naiveity, 32, of Bushnellsville stated, "What I saw was frightening and he smelled like the bottom of an old shoe."

When Stankley finally climbed on board, he promised the children they would see the most wondrous farm owned by his favorite local business man. He then asked everyone to sing "Old man Piggley has a farm, e, i, e, i, ooooo" which put everyone in a temporary better mood.

The bus traveled down Route 28,over the Rhinebeck bridge and that is when the confusion began.

"I never was tole where we was goin',"declared the bus driver," I was tole the Stoopidvisor was the man in charge and he would tell me where to go."

The bus apparently went all around Red Hook, doubling back several times and then traveled to the Taconic reaching almost to Westchester before turning around.

"Whenever a road appeared, Rob tole me to take it. This must be were the farm is, he'd say, take that road!," he explained. "It prally woodn't have gotten so bad if he wooda stopped singin that damn song."

As part of the field trips perks the children and parents were promised a farm fresh lunch as part Piggley"s commitment to the farm to school initiative.

"You know it was getting dark and Rob would not admit he was wrong or had been duped, he just kept saying, 'He told me he had a farm' between bouts of singing that damn song," said Sally Wright, 24, Woodland Valley."He was deranged."

The parents and children were exhausted and hungry from traveling in circles all day long with no food or beverages on board.

"I've known Rob for ages, he lies. There! I've said it," remarked June LaSnarka, 98, Big Indian.

"What was astonishing was he could not believe someone lied to him, when I've never told him the truth", smirked Nancy Smites, 98, Pine Hill.

When the bus arrived back in Shandaken around midnight, the parents were tight lipped and said what happened on the bus stays on the bus .

The only person willing to comment was the bus driver, "The little tykes would have been happy to see a rusted out tractor. It's a shame what happened to Rob when he wanted to stop at Piggley's all night store in Mount Tremper.", he muttered shaking his head. "The guy is clueless."

Citizen's of Shandaken,

Please be advised no roads are closed, there is no flooding.
We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY. No bridges are out, no roads are washed out, no one is in a ditch. All available manpower is ordered out to watch the creek rise and receed at great expense to the town. All fire trucks and ambulances are ordered to drive around and around town. We had no earthquake. We had no flooding. We had no hurricane. We had no tsunami. Go to Belleayre to evacuate yourself. We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY.
Be safe,
Stoopidvisor Stankley

Shut up!

The meltdown began when Stoopidvisor Stankley accused Merry Vermin of refusing to give up her Facebook password. Stankley demanded  the town lawyer get passwords from all accounts that have any of the twelve hamlets in their names, but only if a woman put up the page. " I'm outraged I don't have control," he spewed, "Bitches be writin' about the town without my authority." When questioned about the cost to taxpayers in lawyer fees Stankey shrugged. As to the allegations of calling the State police to aid him in his misguided mission, Stankey shrugged. Vermin asked Stankely why he could not "man up" and pick up the phone to simply call her. Stankley was unable to respond. The town board has turned a blind eye to Stankley's harassment of females. Stankley has a long troubled history with women. Stankley's current campaign against women possibly stems from his abuse by the town clerk, though rumors are unverified.

Father-to-be misses birth of his child after falling down drunk on way to delivery room

Nurses said Rob Stankley was drinking cough syrup before being caught.

He later missed the birth of his third child after falling down drunk on the way to the delivery room.

Officials said Stankley stumbled into the Nurse Draper as she wheeled his girlfriend into the delivery room.

The 45 year old had told the nurse he was thirsty then reached round her in an attempt to grab rubbing alcohol.

When later asked about his actions he said he had blacked out and had absolutely no idea why he was at the hospital.

Nurses confirmed that he missed the birth of his third child.

Nurse Draper said Stankley threated to barf all over the delivery room floor if his
girlfriend, giving birth at  the time, did not stop to rub his belly.

'He commented that he was the pretty one and his needs came first' the nurse said.

After the second time passing out, the girlfriend grunted that he was just drunk.

Draper said it is unclear whether Stankley drove to the hospital intoxicated or if he was
taken there by someone else.

Later, Stankley "under the weather" and apparently unable to work, stated in a phone converstion, he didn't understand what the big deal was since he missed the birth of his other children with his wife and why would it be any different with his girlfriend.

Stankley's wife refused comment.