Stankley's new found moderaton made possible by the Guvnor

Stoopidvisor Stankley revealed a moderate increase to his budget unlike last years crushing 12% increase. In an interview, he veiled the real increase by stating the costs for flooding have not been tallied, leaving him an opening as wide as the flooding Esopus, when things go very very wrong, like they did in his last budget.

Stankley, not surprisingly, has yet to make good on the one and only campaign promise he made declaring he would enforce the laws of Shandaken, equally. In fact, he now says everyone in town is breaking snippets of the a law.

He also declared that Phoenicia is a flood plain, not worth saving and all commercial enterprises must move to route 28 whether or not it is legally rezoned.

In his last sad attempt to get reelected, Stankley made a desparate bid to seem intelligent by declaring he graduated sumos cum loud. When asked to provide proof, he looked bewildered and declared Beefy Kibe would vouch for him.

In unrelated news,  SHARP is again under investigation for giving flood victims pocket change and then declaring the flood funds depleted.

Stankley lashes out at vicious adultery rumor

SHANDAKEN Republican stoopidvisor Robert A-hole Stankley lashed out Wednesday at vicious allegations that he has been having an adulterous affair with a woman on his recreation board.

"I wanted to hold this press conference to say unambiguously that my girlfriends and I have  faithfully cheated on my wife for 12 years," Stankley said.

Stankley said he believed the story was being disseminated by a rival recreation campaign which he did not name.

"The core idea of this rumor campaign is that I have violated the vows that I made to my wife 18 years ago," Stankley said, "but as everyone knows I have remained with my present girlfriend throughout her pregnancy."

Stankley when on to declare that those were not puppy dog eyes he was making at the chair of the recreation board. Longtime former Chair, Tiny Lice, was heard to be whimpering in the back row.

Wannabe

Ulster County, NY— Shandaken Town Stoopidvisor, Robert A.-hole Stankley, has endorsed Mike Hein for a second term as Ulster County Executive.  Stoopidvisor Stanley’s endorsement joined a growing list of Town Supervisors.  All of the Democratic Supervisors that have already endorsed Mike Hein for County Executive and this is the third Republican Town Supervisor to jump on the bandwagon.

“As Town of Shandaken Stoopidvisor Stanley’s, I wholeheartedly endorse Mike Hein for re-election as Ulster County Executive,” said Shandaken Town Stoopidvisor Stanley’s Robert A.-hole Stanley.  Mike and his staff have been readily accessible and eager to assist in the inconsequential issues Shandaken has faced over my term, though nada actually gets resolved. Whether the issue involved job losses at the Resort/Spa and economic effects of the cuts that improved Belleayre Mountain, minor sidewalk flooding in Main St., Phoenicia, or other petty issues concerning the NYC DEP, Mike personally has kept himself abreast (teehee) of our issues and is genuinely concerned for the well being and betterment of our residents and businesses, although he has offered nada to remedy anything. He has personally been involved in many of our late night discussions with other agencies in our area and has been supportive of my perspective when push has come to shove on these issues, though nada has come from all this yapping, shoving, and bonding. I am happy to bend over to endorse Mike for a second term and look forward to continuing to foster the relationship he has established with me and I hope by linking my name with his, I'll get re-elected by the clueless Democrats."

I think Republican Stoopidvisor Stanley’s Stanley’s endorsement, is hilarious as I am the only one running and the Democrats rule Ulster County,” said Mike Hein.  “I remain committed to serving all of the residents of Ulster County, even idiots like Stankley.  We live in an incredibly diverse, beautiful and geographically large community and, I am honored to serve as County Executive.”

Lack of interest

Following the passage of the birdbrain parks and recreation board idea, Stoopidvisor Stankley scrambled to fill the newly created five positions. No brainer Piss Fischer was a political appointment revolving around the infighting about ute soccer. "The shandaken utes belong in shandaken not weirdstock," Fisher declared with Stankley quickly kissing Fishers ass over the apparent distress of Feather "I got playground equipment for my kids even though the school's playground is around the corner" Roberts. Fisher was the man behind grabbing the park for his business refusing to let the children use the park during the great soccer war revolving around the extremely controversial use of Dean Gutter's land. Roberts was named park marshall of Perish field so she can further the recreation opportunities in what her kid called "my back yard". James Cougar was named to care for the Pine hill park much to the surprise and dismay of Craig Alpomeato, an advocate of anything that he can use in his business to promote his business. The depth of the lack of interest in the new board was most apparent in the naming of pathetic "I am too going to build a resort and waterpark someday" Farty Gailles to the Big Indian park. Farty insisted she was the right person following her  planting flowers on the roadside and picking up the trash thrown out the car window by her husband Scary and the rest of the Belly Air partners. Lastly, Stankley put his own mother on the board to retain influence over the board. When asked if his father was ever going to honor his promise of finishing the handicap bathrooms in glenbrook park Stankey snickered, "Ma will make him. Once she gets going, you can't shut her up. I bet he'll never want to go home." Stankley Plumbing promised to do the bathrooms for free as a campaign promise when Stankley ran as councilman  seven years ago. The park board is charged with keeping the dog poop down to a manageable amount.

Father-to-be misses birth of his child after falling down drunk on way to delivery room

Nurses said Rob Stankley was drinking cough syrup before being caught.

He later missed the birth of his third child after falling down drunk on the way to the delivery room.

Officials said Stankley stumbled into the Nurse Draper as she wheeled his girlfriend into the delivery room.

The 45 year old had told the nurse he was thirsty then reached round her in an attempt to grab rubbing alcohol.

When later asked about his actions he said he had blacked out and had absolutely no idea why he was at the hospital.

Nurses confirmed that he missed the birth of his third child.

Nurse Draper said Stankley threated to barf all over the delivery room floor if his
girlfriend, giving birth at  the time, did not stop to rub his belly.

'He commented that he was the pretty one and his needs came first' the nurse said.

After the second time passing out, the girlfriend grunted that he was just drunk.

Draper said it is unclear whether Stankley drove to the hospital intoxicated or if he was
taken there by someone else.

Later, Stankley "under the weather" and apparently unable to work, stated in a phone converstion, he didn't understand what the big deal was since he missed the birth of his other children with his wife and why would it be any different with his girlfriend.

Stankley's wife refused comment.

Sham remark may jeopardize permits

Stoopidvisor Stanley had attended the recent hearing on the Department of Environmental Conservation’s plan to cut more than 45 full-time jobs at Bellieayre, making them only seasonal, part-time positions. He told the crowd at the Bellieayre rally that in his opinion it was embarrassing to see Department of Environmental Conservation officials be so ignorant of their department’s policies and the effects of those polices.

“It was a sham,” he said.

Days later Stanley told an almost empty town board meeting that he was tentatively waiting to hear from the DEC about dredging permits that he and the town's highway superintendent  Erich Halfmeister applied for on behalf of Phoenicia.

A DEC spokesman who asked to remain anonymous stated that he and his co-workers needed much more time to review their department’s policies and the effects of those polices, especially in light of Stoopidvisor Stanley's remarks.

When asked how long his team would need, he pointed to a crated, dusty, 10,000 page document of which there is only one copy that 200 people need to read in order to be absolutely sure of their department’s policies and the effects of those polices. " We wouldn't want to be embarrassingly ignorant of our policies or be responsible for a sham," he stated.

The Final solution as outlined by Stupidvisor Stankley

ALLABEN- We know, historically, that there will be another event coming in the next few months. Our residents and business owners cannot continue to operate under the constant threat of flooding to their lives and livelihood.  Along with Engineers, board members toured and discussed possible solutions in the short term and long term. Discussion ensued that engineering was necessary to ensure whatever approach is taken 1)proceeds quickly and 2)must be effective. Again, work of this nature does not come free no matter who is footing the bill. All involved personnel want to ensure that money is not wasted on an ineffective measure.   
We need to solve this issue with as much expediency as is humanly possible, so these high-tech waterproof, windproof and breathable socks have been selected as the final long term plan to the flooding problems by the Shandaken Town Board. The unique fabric used in their manufacture enables moisture to dissipate away from the skin, ensuring feet stay dry, warm and blister-free in the most extreme of conditions. They really do work, and do so equally well on cold days crossing the Esopus, or even flood days on Main Street!
The solution will be available only to those residents who applied for FEMA relief for the past three floods, the rest of you will have to quit whining.

Town Hall Infested With Bedbugs After Stankley Brings In Recliner Off The Curb

SHANDAKEN—The Town Hall suffered a severe bedbug infestation last week after Stankley reportedly "scored" a discarded recliner chair for his office that "someone was just throwing out" on the corner of Rt. 42 and 28 "It's plenty comfy, and I'll tell ya, they don't make 'em with levers like this anymore," said Stankley, scratching at a series of red welts on his arms as he pointed out the pocket on the side that could hold both a remote control and a Coors tallboy. "It reclines all the way back. All the way. And you wanna know what else? It holds two people, if you know what I mean. It'll be perfect for resting my eyes when I'm a work, if you know what I mean."  Meanwhile, New Paltz officials reported that their town has been plagued by an outbreak of bedbugs since a visit from Stankley to the strip club Bleu Moon.

Piggley Farmstand surpasses Belleayre as THE MOST SUCCESSFUL

At the November planning board meeting, Councilman JackASs Jordon declared the Piggley Farmstand the most successful business in town according to the sales tax receipts. When reminded that food is not taxable he declared, "They sell other stuff!" The board appears to be willing to do anything to make the illegal stand legal. "We'll turn 28 commercial!," they rallied. Reminded that the town does not have an adult entertainment law and could pave the way for strip clubs the Supervisor replied that finally the money he spends at New Paltz strip club will remain in town and since his girlfriend is gettin' fat, wink, wink, he'll need a daily diversion soon." It is part of my economic development plan put forth through my recreation committee," he leered.

Stankley reveals resolutions useless

SHANDAKEN- When asked why the town was not honoring a resolution banning dogs from town hall, Stankley replied that the resolution was not a law but a memorializing resolution.  Stankley further admitted that all resolutions are memorializing and in fact merely busy work to show that the town board is doing something. According to Stankley, no one really needs to pay heed to any resolutions including his own periodic resolutions supporting the Resort and the Waterboarding museum or the Town clerk's resolution begging the county not to eliminate her position or the Halloween curfews. He expounded that resolutions are basically for special interest groups pushing their agenda and should be printed on tissue paper and  then flushed. When JackASS Jordon asked for clarification, Stankley sniped," I've explained this to you before, so this time I'm going to speak to you slowly."

Peerez commends town board for tax hike

 SHANDAKEN- Chuckles Peerez, 57, applauded the town board for raising his taxes at the November board meeting, leaving area residents puzzled. "Last year I was irate that Supervisor Disclafunny raised my taxes 2 per cent." he said," I was one of the ugly harpies, including JackAss Jordon, who yelled at him that the tax cut wasn't good enuf. Even when I got my bill and it was negative 2 per cent it still wasn't good enuf! Supervisor Stanley's increase of 9% is great by me, though as long as employees did not get a raise." Area residents were found wondering if Peerez had finally lost one too many brain cells from breathing in gas fumes but Peerez moved quick to squash the theory. "Rob is gonna get the resort through. As an investor, that is numero ono on my plate", he added. Area residents were vindicated in knowing their theory was correct since the resort shows no signs of being built with no means to reward or compensate its long suffering investors. Gas fume inhalations cause delirium, nervous twitches, cognitive deficits, and hallucinations.

JackAss Denies Phoenicia Delegation

SHANDAKEN, NY- At the October town board meeting, a delegation of Phoenicia residents requested legal representation for the pending sewer contract. The delegation explained that the City has an army of lawyers at their disposal but the Phoenicia sewer use district has not one to examine what will eventually be a five pound document. With his brain working at full capacity, Councilman JackAss Jordan vehemently denied their right to understand a contract between the sewer users and New York City. Jordan went on to say the delegation needed a Request For Proposal, a protocol that has eluded his mental acumen. He further demanded the definition of a simple third grade level comprehension word used  in a resolution, as apparently he hasn't found a use for a dictionary or computer. When asked about his cerebral deficiencies Jordan waved his various school degrees as proof he had a brain. A local man was heard to remark," What a waste, the man was educated beyond his intellect."

Native Shandaken Man Reveals Startling News

PHOENICIA, NY- Today, Charlie Brasier, who traced his family origins to the pre-beginnings of Shandaken time, where they consider a native is to be more local than a local, revealed that a famous folk song was written about his Daddy. "This just goes to show," crowed Charlie.

Biggest Idiot in recent memory

The constant refrain of the past 8 years of "Can you hear me know" Chuck Peerez and Rob Stankley is strangely quiet since January. No one has voiced the opinion that the Town is probably the owner of the cell tower since Mariner has reneged on the tower contract and most likely out of business. Strangely, no one has voiced any opinion, for that matter, on anything. Yet, Hack Jordon came up with a solution that has the taxpayers providing cell service to the Town Hall. What a guy! With his brain working at full capacity, Jordon suggested, as offered by the cell provider, everyone of us buy relay antenna and boosters to get cell service. All except the town hall which will get it bought by you and me. Jordon called this a step in the right direction. So let's take $250, the cheapest booster, times approximately 1500 homes in the area, and the cell company would rack up $375,000.00 With no guarantee of a strong signal. Hack is right on top of it, isn't he? Communication + Teamwork = Success