Boob versus the Baby

Ex-Stoopidvisor Boob Cross announced his candiacy for Stoopidviser and Highway Superman today. He declared he will win either one or the other in a primary in Shandaken. When asked to comment Stoopidvisor Stankley smirked and said he already has all the parties nominations. "Nobody cares about anything except Dean Gutter," he smirked, " Nobody has the balls to run against me." Stankley went on to pronounce that he would be carrying his baby with him throughout the  campaign since it is well known that humans are conditioned to love babies or else they would bash them against the wall if they cried one more time. "All the old people will forget about all the shit I've done and will just remember the cute baby," he chuckled. " It's how I plan on getting rid of the zoning codes." Stankey showed a box full of t-shirts with the baby's picture on them that he plans on handing out as "gifts" to voters. "Boob Cross and I are exactly alike," he chortled, "We both adore the Belly Air project, will force Phoenicia to get the sewer, will zone all of Rte. 28 commercial, are fat alcoholics, except Boob has no baby! Man, I love using my kids. Look how it worked last time."

NEWZ FLASH

 

What you heard is true.

Hacks Diet

Wanting to loose wieght for the upcoming sport season Hack Jorden decided to shop around for diets.

 John Porn suggested to him to a diet he had been using that was available on the web for a small monthly fee. "It's great" claimed Hack "They provide you with visual aides that along with specific arm movements are sure to rid the body of excess fluid buildup"

"Yes" John Porn chimed in " we have an entire network of users that have been employing this system for years, and we have a variety of stimulant packages for all tastes. You can include your partner or go it alone, your choice" Noting that he lives a solitary existence, John Porn went on to say that the system has not only made him feel relaxed but given him the tools he needs to forget just how repulsed the opposite sex is by him. "When you go through life with the social and moral obstacle I have, it's important to find a support group that shares your interest and hobbies. I feel like I have a new family and I am happy to share it with Hack"

When asked about a report on the web that this particular diet, while successful at ridding the body of excess fluid buildup as promised has also led to protein deficiencies and thick wrist syndrome, Hack scoffed.

"I have met many of Mr. Porn's associates and I can tell you they have no such problems. They are a great bunch of guys who look fine and are willing to share. All I can say is I tried the diet and I am hooked!"

Town Clerk proposes separate but equal law

SHANDAKEN The new law proposes services, facilities and public accommodations to be separated by political party, on the condition that the quality of each group's public facilities are to remain equal. "We all know that Democrats are not the same as us," declared Lorry Frasier, the Shandaken Town Clerk since 1934. She went on to explain the town hall bathrooms would be converted. "I will not share a bathroom with those people, I could get a disease," she said. The law would require all businesses and public places to post which party is welcome. The public hearing on this law will be June 8th following the Pine Hill extension bullying.

I love the smell of brimstone in the morning

Dig all you want. I will be here forever.

ABOVE IT ALL, A GUEST COMMENTARY

.

JOANNE AND ALL PLANNING BOARD MEMBERS AS WELL AS OTHER BOARDS,
ARE EQUAL TO OR ABOVE THE ELECTED OFFICIAL, BECAUSE THEY ARE VOLUNTEERS AND OFFICERS OF THE TOWN. THEY DON'T DO IT FOR THE MONEY. THEY ARE SPECIAL. THEY PLAN, THEY ARE CHOSEN.

Perma-rage

Clerk Lauralynn is in a snit again. Obviously this, her latest, is directed, once again, at a specific target. First posted on the website, then spoken inarticulately or with as they say, forked tongue, at the board meeting and then put in the paper at taxpayer expense, Frasier is accusing you, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, of harboring a snake or as she likes to call it, an unlicensed wild animal.
She KNOWS there are snakes in Shandaken.
Maliciously slithering out an alternative motive she hissed,"You know I always get what I want and if you cross me, I'll make you pay!"

WHO are these snakes?

You can't always get what you want....but sometimes

Things just have a way of working out. I'm not sure if it's the time of the year, the moon cycle, planetary alignment, a monkey who predicts earth quakes, or what have you, but sometimes things really just work out the way they are supposed to.

Last year when Shandaken Unplugged began its run following in the steps of the late great Original Fanci Colon/Barry Derrmann's The Shandaken Truth, no one could have predicted the impact both sites would have on the community and the events that eventually unfolded. Not that the Buffster is claiming these sites were responsible for the hysterical results, not in the least. I think the readers did that all themselves. However, one cannot deny the effect that was felt, both positive and negative, as was the intention, on the community. What was probably the biggest surprise to the Buffster herself, was that others were also paying attention to the posts on the blogs. By "others", the Buffster means people who live in the Hudson Valley Corridor. Yeah, I know, in school they taught you that the world ended at the thruway round-a-bout and that was where the earth dropped off flat!

But a whole world does exist outside the little bubble you call home (Shandaken) with people, and boats, people on boats, cars and dogs, dogs driving cars, etc. And in the mix, executives of big box stores exist outside the bubble. Big boxes with social commentaries, fancy clothing, sparkly sweatshirts, and employee discounts. Ironically, executives outside of the bubble like to read blogs from inside the bubble. They like to read lots of blogs inside the bubble. And when they see a blog they really like (read: laugh their ass off while reading) they contact the blogger and...you see where I'm going with this, don't you?

Yes, chirruns, the Buffster was recently offered a position as an associate that is outside the bubble with glossy floors, fancy flyers, sparkly shelves, and lots of new merchandise. ! Do you think stoli cocktails at Belleayre can be considered an expense write-off?

Of course, I know what you're thinking, I can always tell what the voices in my head are thinking, even before they say it.

"But the Buffster , are you sure this is the real deal, and not some dirty trick set up by the evil doers of the town?"

Yes, at first I was suspicious too. Anydrinkwhore, you know how I love a good game and an offer for free drinks, so I said, "Usually I suck but this time I'll bite."

But after several phone conversations, and finally a fantastic lunch at trendy (read: expensive) lunch cart, it became apparent that I was in the company of an honest to goodness executive. I highly recommend the rotisserie hot dogs with chili sauerkraut- I likes my lunch that kicks me back, the Buffster thought, "If this is a dirty trick being played on me, with a $3 lunch under my belt, I can't wait to see how they drop the bomb." Then came the little Debbie cake with cherries...that was only eh, so bomb dropped!

Anyfoodpoisoning, long, wonderful, exciting story short...the Buffster will soon have a larger contingency of bitches to blog to! But fear not, my loyal beh-behs, you will not be abandoned. Not fully.

Soon enough I will no longer have the time to devote to this blog that I have in the past, but rest assured, I will continue with staggered (pun not lost on me, how 'bout you?) posts, I'll need to keep up with local shenanigans and try out new bitching methods, won't I?

The moral to this story? Wicked, with a large dose of funny is attractive and marketable. Mean without humor...not so much. That's a lesson some have to learn the hard way.

So, yes, things turn out the way they are meant too, and maybe it was the monkey who predicts earthquakes who made it all possible. Or maybe this time is was equal parts hard work and the Buffster's unique talent... with a dash of Smirnoff.

Okay...perhaps it was also a quarter cup of monkey prediction...but only for coloring.

Till next time, my beh-behs

 Join me on Facebook
The Buffster  just discovered this wonderful way to keep up with her bitches, Facebook, so I have opened an account, and would welcome you to follow me as a friend. I'm too shy to friend request myself (i.e., the liquor cabinet is full) so if you're game, give me a look-see!

The Buffster on facebook

Family Matters... especially during the holidays

 

So Micky was in front of the Judge in divorce court..

Let me get this straight the judge asked "You want to divorce Minnie because she is crazy?"

"Noooo" Mickey protested " I never said she was crazy,

I said SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY"

So this Thanksgiving when you are all alone with your hairless-Asian hybred hubby, wondering why your family has shunned you, think about Mickey and Minnie. Think about how Minnie still needed a little action and companionship when she was well into her twilight years. Did it make her crazy or just human? Who were you to judge and make her feel like she was wrong? You should hope that when you get to be her age your libido is still working as well as your heart. Think about how your greed and superiority have made you into the bitter cud chewing sow that you are. Maybe the spirits, those in the bottle and those brought to you by Gary Spivey, are enough to keep you company this holiday season. Your so-called friends hate you because of the wrath you have brought upon them. Your family hates you because of your selfish ways. But you still have your fantisies, you still have Harry Potter, The Disney Channel, and Ghostbusters Anonymous. Sleep well, Vance

Separated at Birth HaHAhahahHahahahaha

REALLY?

Sing-ALong -- Follow the Bouncing Blob

Fat people got no reason
Fat people got no reason
Fat people got no reason
To live

They got fatty piggy hands
Fatty piggy eyes
They walk around
Tellin great big lies
They got fatty piggy noses
And fatty piggy teeth
They wear fatty shoes
On their nasty fatty feet

Well, I dont want no fat people
Dont want no fat people
Dont want no fat people
`round here

Fat people are just the same
As you and i
(a fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(its a wonderful world)

Fat people got nobody
Fat people got nobody
Fat people got nobody
To love

They got fatty guts
That hang so low
You got to back up
Just to say hello
They got fatty piggy cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got fatty piggy voices
Goin peep, peep, peep
They got grubby fatty fingers
And dirty fatty minds
Theyre gonna get you every time
Well, I dont want no fat people
Dont want no fat people
Dont want no fat people
round here
Sorry to R. Newman for not honoring short people.

Some of the Motivational Posters Rob will Be hanging in Town Hall

Click picture to get closeup of hallway stalker