Mama raised some fools

The board took $5,000 out of the Good Neighbor fund to pay for some aspect of fixin the septic.
Whaaat?
What about the buildin line in the budget?
Why did we get taxed for that if they're gonna pick the fund clean?
What does the board intend to do with the $20,000 for fixin things? 
Buy flowers?
This Board will go down in history as the stoopidist board evah.
No contest.

He speaks fluent gooblygook.. who knew?

Rob Stanley  showed the audience how adept he was at speaking gooblygook at the February town board meeting. When councilman Dim Malloy asked why the officer in charge couldn't use the retired squad car for his vehicle, stankley replied in vintage gooblygook that had Malloy looking blankly confused which admitedly isn't remotely difficult.
Asked to clarify his answer, he did so again in middle gooblygook which resulted in the town board buying a new vehicle for the chief,  a new cruiser for the police department,  a clown car for the zoning officer, and a scooter for Hack, using the good neighbor fund and leaving the capital expense line that was created for such purchases untouched. Chuck Perez protested to no avail as Stankley blurted he was enrolled in advanced politic speak which he was anxious to try out on the town. He later admitted his first attempt was reading the Time Warner list of shows rather than read the New York Comptroller's report on problems in the town accounts. "It was perfect," he gleefully exclaimed, " Not one question about the report!"

Predictions and Predilections

 Looked into my crystal ball, and listened to the whispers from my beh beh's ghost father, channeled my cat, read my name in numerology and 
 presto 

new predictions from beautiful in my mind psychic  Helena. (with a little help from my gurus/loves of my life Gary Spivey and Rob.)

1. Tiny Rice, Rob's other squeeze 2.0, hired as Rob's new secretary (who else has the  stomach for Laurilyn and Pep Patti?)
2. Rob Stankley's mother hired as the Museum director.
3. Gittah pulls a swindle and leaves New York possibly to Maryland with the AIP land buyout money screwing his investors and partners.
4. The rumors spread by Flake Killin at the diner end with tragedy as someone is seriously hurt or killed.
5. Shandaken Day 2010 will have a whopping 100 attendees,  another failed economic stimulus picked up by the taxpayers touted by Rob.
   
6. Joan Larry Blower hired as the new social service director (she'll declare Shandaken poverty stricken to get Gittah his HUD grants for the SDEIS so he can get his money to blow town. Her house is triple mortgaged investing in his scheme!)
7. Police corruption claims are made as a huge illegal immigrant ring is uncovered in Pine Hill and Phoenicia.
8. Stankley pays the Buffster $12,000 to hang flower baskets in Phoenicia, another failed economic stimulus picked up by the taxpayers touted by Rob.
9. Jo Jo hired as new deputy clerk (Lauri will have a lot more to beat up on- really as in black and blue)
10. Jane Roszits hosts alien party with in depth explanations of what it is like to be probed.
11. Patty Cakes finally finds love (rumor has it she is meeting lots of hotties at the BLEU MOON while pole dancing)
12. Kathy Aley continues to be known by her former husband's last name and communicates how she wants Hack to vote or what to say via texting. He is strangely at a loss for words when she needs to leave town. (Wait for it! We saw this trick with Jane and Ward!)
13. An important public figure is revealed to be a member of a white supremacy movement with 2010 seeing a serious increase in racist attacks.
14. Buffy, Rob's other squeeze, gives Stankley more personal grants (for his house where his first family lives? to get his other girlfriend a green card? to paint his car plaid? to get a manly haircut? for the STD love shack?)
15. The new town board gives the go ahead for the Phoenicia sewer with Boris, Rob and Hack voting yes (Poor Rick and Mike really talked up Randy, who? How much will that sewer bill be? HOW MUCH?)
16. Denise and Rick Wiccerdella blow their gaskets.
17. Boob Kalb attempts to pay his delinquent tax bill with Big Indian wooden nickels.
18. Stankley spends $100,000 for a skate park using the good neighbor fund while bonding a new ambulance for 150,000 dollars paid out of taxpayers pockets.
19. Rick wiccerdella fired as water commissioner, replaced by Shandaken's  sweetheart Charlie Brazier.
    
20. The new town board makes the Crossroads project an Empire zone (I'm predicting February- how about you?)
21. The stock market fails again and the Smartie and Gary  G unable  to recover. (the empire zone will not help - too little too late, too bad Gittah left with the cash)
22. Corruption claims made as a huge illegal sex ring is uncovered as part of an investigation of Uncle Johnny and his cronies with rumors pointing to the court.
23. Al Pigley finally eats a piece of fruit from his own business and chokes on the rot.
24. No laws enforced fairly and equally in Shandaken.
25. The handicap bathrooms at Glenbrook Park promised by Stankley plumbers not finished.
26. Stankley bankrupts Shandaken and begs Patterson for a casino as part of his economic development vision (like the skate park, the flowers, the new town hall, the empire zone, the sewer) and as payback for his investment pals.
27. Vin, Tim and Boris three steps behind blurting out yes votes to anything just to seem like they know what's going on. 
28. From our readers SHARP folds, and the Buffster, unable to put herself up for adoption after royaly screwing over her own mother, starts ghostbusting full time
29. And this Rob usurps Mr. Clean, unquestionably, as THE most hated man in Shandaken holding the title through 2033
30. And this Tiny Rice has to be let go after five office chairs are broken and is replaced by Kathy Aley aka Hack Jordon's wifey who proceeds to do what she does best, pay the same voucher three and more times over. 
31. And this  Vin makes an announcement that he would like our votes making him volunteer of the year, Rob objects that he is the logical choice, Hack chimes in that he volunteers the most, only to be pushed aside by the Buffster who claims she is the hardest working girl. When asked what it is they have volunteered for? Vin tells of all the hours he spends at the diner talking politics, Rob points to the rec committee who he is liaison for, Hack spouts his work with the children at Onteora and the Buffster tells of all the seniors she has helped. The audience is stunned.Brain Powers has to boot up his laptop to read the dictionary meaning which flies directly over their heads. Beating of the chests and face to face roars ensue with the Buffster letting the first punch fly.

A Tale of Town Taxes or My $Green$ Acres

or How to Not Pay Taxes by Glarry Failes

A certain SMartie has been trying her best to to point out the lack of revenue coming into the town. We are glad she is worried. We would like to point out that a certain Glarry donated 3 landlocked acres  to the Town in hope they would use the Good Neighbor fund for a Discover water pool or some crap. He commanded they begin construction in three years or he wanted his very valuable land back. Glarry did not take his land back, even though Shandaken's dreams of becoming coveted host to the World's Dumbest Water Park were trashed when it washed out over the line to Delaware County. No, he let the land remain deeded to the town another 6 years. Then when his friend didn't get elected he  was afraid the town would use it for a transfer station or a dog run or something else useful.  He couldn't have that, Deannie might get mad, so he went to the town board and got it back, then sold it to *his* company for $55000.00, yeah for 3 crappy landlocked acres. When other investors were loosing money he was still cashing in. WHO cares the reader asks? That's the free market, Well, Helena would just like to point out that the 9 years this $Green$ Acres was deeded to the town SMartie and Glarry didn't pay the average oh $600 or so yearly taxes. Took the taxpayers for what $5600.00 dollars. I say we all donate our abodes to the town, with a time limit and a conditional use clause and get out of paying our taxes too.