TINY RICE THROWN UNDER THE BUS

PHOENICIA- Supervisor Stankley, in an effort to desperately hide the fact he grossly overspent tax payer's money, stopped giving a $5 stipend toward an already reduced ski lift ticket. In addition, he fired  long time seasonal employee Tiny Rice, who dragged herself to Belleayre to sit on her ass on weekends to give the stipend to skiers for a salary of $1400. Asked whether the DEC ticket workers could do the job, Stankley mumbled that Oneteora just got the same deal from Belleayre when in fact any group from any where would receive the same discount. Asked why taxpayers were forced to give more money toward the lift ticket he mumbled unintelligibly. Ten thousand dollars of tax money was saved in the recreation budget when the town moved swimming to Belleayre beach rather than busing kids to Minekill, yet the money remains in the recreation budget at Stankley's insistence rather than reducing taxes. The money is used for pizza parties and bus trips to the City as part of the town's recreation program run by Supervisor Stankley. The ski program was a favorite of Stankley's as a pet project to make Shandaken THE WORLD'S CAPITAL OF RECREATION and to assuage his employer at the ski area.

BELLEAYRE RESORT NOT DEAD, BUT STILL A DUMB IDEA

By JAYBIRD BRAINLESS Jr.
Corruptpundent

HIGHMOUNT — Crosseyes Ventures, the company proposing the controversial Belleayre Resort at Catskill Park, has announced the project is still controversial.

In a letter dated Monday, the principal hackers of the $400 million scam — Dean Gutter, Ken Posterchild and Emily “Deep Pockets” Funder — stated their desire to kind of refute what they called secret plans for the project’s demise. Gary Failes name was removed fron the clique in an expected attempt to distance him from the project as he is busy playing nice with the locals in Mt. Tremper.

“It has been a while since we coughed up any bullshit on Crosseyes’ progress to the community, and, in the absence of hard news, the inevitable rumors of our abandonment of the project and the Belleayre Resort’s demise have circulated,” they said.

It was February when Gutter, the driving force behind the proposed resort, unveiled a crayola and construction paper rendering of the latest concept for the project, representing the most recent and unlikely last of several transformations made to the plan, which first was announced in 1999. “Our investors are so dumb, we just rehash the same old crap in a different package and they buy it." Gutter chuckled, "Remember in May when we issued our last press release? The police chief took me out to dinner, good times, good times"

The renderings are part of the long-awaited supplemental environmental impact statement that Crosseyes needs to prepare. Gutter and his team have pretended to be working on that document for about 2-1/2 years.

Last week, Gutter and his partners said they need only a few more months to liquidate their assets and get out of town.

“In the coming few months, we expect to reinforce the belief that we plan to move forward in an effort to keep all those disgruntled investors satisfied. They actually believe we will be able, by the middle of next year, to present our plans to the planning boards of both Shandaken and Middletown,” they wrote.

Now, according to Gutter, the size has been reduced again. In fact he said it really doesn’t exist. “Actually this might just work.” he laughed” We plan to use the existing buildings next to Shimmy’s ski shop for our offices and just pretend we own Belleayre. We will then sell off time shares in properties we don’t own. Who’s going to know?"

Basically just sucking up to ‘richer than him’ homeowners in the Hardenburgh area about the project Gutter appears to have gone great lengths to make the structures as camouflaged as possible. Models built and on display in Gutter’s office show a design concept that shapes the hotel into the mountainside with “green roofs” made of vegetation. The houses would be "au naturale" also. When asked if the model was just the same old “Parsley Pancake” model he already introduced, the so-called developer got enraged and screamed some incoherent rambling about Ponzi Schemes and begging bowls. “I am a Visionary, a Luminary” he cried before having the reporter ejected by Little Al.

Area Woman Irate Newspaper Folds

BIG INDIAN- Jo Jo Klabb spewed her final vitriolic acid tongued missive in the last issue of the Phaux Times, final for the Phaux Times that is. Known for her antics like the full page hate rages against mild mannered democrats in election years, the public hearing performances that promoted her husband's employers, and whining how hard she has to work since losing all their investment money in the project, Klabb has readily been the front man for special interests in Shandaken. Klabb refused to explain herself to this reporter instead screaming that she would continue to send her opinion to the editor, Brain Power, of the defunct paper whether he wanted them or not. Klabb a champion poison author takes a smidgen of the truth and mixes it with lies until it breathes a life of it's own, though it has long been suspected the letters were written by an elderly equally deranged woman from Shandaken. As Klabb turned, her footprints left burning steam in the grass.

JackAss Denies Phoenicia Delegation

SHANDAKEN, NY- At the October town board meeting, a delegation of Phoenicia residents requested legal representation for the pending sewer contract. The delegation explained that the City has an army of lawyers at their disposal but the Phoenicia sewer use district has not one to examine what will eventually be a five pound document. With his brain working at full capacity, Councilman JackAss Jordan vehemently denied their right to understand a contract between the sewer users and New York City. Jordan went on to say the delegation needed a Request For Proposal, a protocol that has eluded his mental acumen. He further demanded the definition of a simple third grade level comprehension word used  in a resolution, as apparently he hasn't found a use for a dictionary or computer. When asked about his cerebral deficiencies Jordan waved his various school degrees as proof he had a brain. A local man was heard to remark," What a waste, the man was educated beyond his intellect."

Town Clerk Awaits Sentencing

SHANDAKEN, NY- Following the long awaited trial, the Shandaken town clerk will await sentencing in an assault case of a town employee.
Asked  why she assaulted her deputy in a least two separate occasions, she replied, "I gave the Town Board my budget which still has two deputies on the payroll plus my salary with increases including the Records Management bonus which really is part of my regular duties. I am bringing my vicious dog to work again and  my daughter Gingersnaps is bringing her puppy to piss and crap on the floors.  So, what do you think? Do I care if my dog bites someone? Do I care if I punched and pushed my deputy? I own this office, I run this town, the Supervisor and Town Board are scared of me. Get outta my face!"
The Town Board has not commented or acted on the case other than to pass a violence in the workplace policy.

Native Shandaken Man Reveals Startling News

PHOENICIA, NY- Today, Charlie Brasier, who traced his family origins to the pre-beginnings of Shandaken time, where they consider a native is to be more local than a local, revealed that a famous folk song was written about his Daddy. "This just goes to show," crowed Charlie.

Person With Almost No Responsibility Always Stressed Out

MOUNT TREMPER, NY—Friends of local woman Buffy Kobe, reported Tuesday that the 54-year-old somehow lives in a perpetual state of anxiety and agitation despite of her total lack of any meaningful personal or professional responsibilities. "She rushes around all panicked every morning grumbling that she's running late," Rob Stankley said of his friend with benefits(usually on Tuesday morning), whose frequent sighs of frustration and unending claims of exhaustion belie the fact that no one depends on her for emotional support or for the income of her part-time job working at SHARP. "Buffy sleeps more than anyone I know, yet every other week she complains about how she's feeling sick and desperately needs a vacation." Buffy was unavailable for comment, telling reporters that she was "totally swamped" with a bunch of work and personal stuff. Friends opined that perhaps spending the "profits" from the sale of Friendship Manor was indeed exhausting.