Well played, Mr. Piggley?

Despite pleas to contribute to his mounting legal fees, a defiant Al Piggley is still in jail unable to make bail.

The plea was put out on social media pages as well as advertised in local news blogs and at Town board meeting by his son, Piglet, who as councilman is embarrassing the board by breaking his oath of office to uphold the laws not break them.

A total of 100 or so zoning and building violations, which accrued during the past ten years, has led to a monumental legal battle between the town of Shandaken and Piggley.

Boasting that he has more money than God, Piggley filed lawsuit after lawsuit against the town with the assurance that his loyal customers would help him defend his ill-conceived, brain-addled actions.

Piggley was arrested after defying a stop work order on April 1st.

Piggley reportedly spit and snarled at the press saying, this is not the first time he has been arrested or spent time behind bars, referring to the infamous meat scandal of the 80's.

Polled customers responded that they were loyal to low prices and that Piggley had different prices for different people.

" Apparently he really stuck it to people who were dressed nicely or drove a nice car," stated a woman who shopped for salami, "I guess he should have been nicer to them and not cheap ones and uneducated like me."

Handover customers were able to scrape enough money together to erect a sign in remembrance.

Joannie attempts to create her own history

As a business owner here, the lack of discount ticket programs at Bellyayre Mt. this year has hurt you.

You know that when Belleyayre is at its best, it helps every other business in the region and that it is well-managed, and the whole state took cutbacks. But that didn’t stop Stupidvisor Stankley and Crosseyed Ventures from throwing Tony and the locals under the bus and try and get Belleyayre taken over by ORCA.

It's not a money maker for the state. Never has been, never will be. They break even at best, but it’s good for the region.  You also know that local controversies have created an impression for some that the Belleayre Mountain is a "loser."  Nothing could be further from the truth, well my truth at least. It's the Belleayre Resort that is the loser, especially if you invested in it. Sure Crossroads needs ORCA to develope their resort, but let's not go there.

            As we (Crossroads) try to end 62 years of DEC stewardship, it is critical to highlight how even though  I screw up everything I put my hands on, I am not above taking your money yet again. As we pray for a transition to ORCA operation, nothing could be more important than you financing my resume. That’s right I have a newly formed LLC, Mountain Bleedia.  I plan on kissing ORCA”s collective ass and try and land  a marketing job there. That way I don’t have to waste my time in Kingstown helping poor people. I can work for ORCA and push the Crosseyed Resort.

If I am to move into ORCA from a position of strength and, most important, let our new leaders know that as a con artist, I will expect nothing less than excellence and graft in the operation of these facilities.

            To that end, we are developing and will publish in March, an "album" of stories and photographs. Tentatively titled WE SCREWED BELLEAYRE, it will tell the history of the ski center through the faces and voices of the employees, skiers and community business owners who have cared for it, supported it, used it and promoted it for 62 years and then got screwed. Ultimately, the album will be a shoving piece that demonstrates that even though things aren’t as bad as Stankley and Crosseyed Ventures made things seem.

            The album will be designed as a keepsake and is sure to become an heirloom piece in many local homes. It will be one of the last publications (NOT COUNTING LAWSUITS) done while Bellyayre is still operated by the DEC, and its sepia tones inside will make it a joke of an historic artifact. WE SCREWED BELLEAYRE will be suitable for bird cages and puppy training pads.

And the best part is, I want you to pay for it! Ads to underwrite production costs will be designed and laid out to blend with the bullshit nature of the album.

            The more underwriters we have, the more impressive this will be to ORCA officials. So we hope you'll support this effort ……. AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.

 Very truly yours,

JLB

Shandaken looks to legalize Junkyards next

GOT JUNK?

A few of the cars waiting for Chucky's attention in Big Indian NY

 March 2, 2012, Shandaken NY- In a not so surprising move the Shandaken Town Board is drafting a law to legalize several junkyards in the town. Stupidvisor Stankley noted that although the new law would allow junkyards in every part of town, he specifically is targeting The Biiiiiig Indian area and the hill behind the diner.
"Chucky Perrriz has always been a great supporter of mine" Stankley recalled lovingly, "why he was the only one who came and thanked me after my 12% tax hike"
Chucky's station on Rte 28 no longer sells gas, he fixes a car here and there but the real money is in towing, he laughed.
" I love to tow cars, and it gets me away from the ol'ball and chain" Chucky bemused " but really I do kinda suck at fixing them, but when anyone asks I AM working on all of these, ALL 30-50 of them"
Shandaken has a long tradition of ignoring laws broken by people the administration likes, owes money to or happens to be related to. Take the legalization of Piggleys Farm Stand on Rte 28. Proving that you don't actually have to have a farm to have a farmstand, led Chucky to beg, er, ask Rob to make him legit also.
"Well, I fix more cars than Al grows tomatoes, so thats gooder, but how well I fix them or how much I over charge is not relavant." Chucky said "Why just go to Phoeny Town and ask that pancake flipper how much I charged to get her motor running, She'll tell you how cheap I am. Inexpensive too."
" It's not just Chucky I am beholden too" Rob Jr. added " Poor Sammy didn't get to have a cell tower behind his junkyard, well because his junkyard was illegal and people didn't want cell towers. I am just trying to be nice"  

A couple more over by the creek that are waiting for the parts to come in

When asked about the new tough zoning officer in town, Rob Jr. laughed. "We own him"
He went on to describe the "inventory" Bitchy Smokes was able to amass while he "worked" for Bluffy at NotSharp. Grants and old people are quite the lucrative combo.
" He can send himself a violation, look at his yard. And besides Shandaken Zoning Officers never act without a formal complaint from a citizen, Why should they have people mad at them? With a formal complaint you get to pass the buck."
"Once, when I was allowed out, Ok,  my wife was out of town so I went out," Chucky confessed" I went to the bar and found Rob. I heard a rumor neighbors were going to complain, They said my mess was keeping them from selling their property. So I told Rob, Bitchy has two junk cars on his lawn, what ya going to do now pretty boy. Make me legal"
Rob agreed,  then they did body shots till the wee hours of the morning.
A hearing will be scheduled at a future inconvienant date.

and a few more

Belleayre Mountain Ski Center temporarily shuts down due to apparent staff shafting

Rob Stankly Shandaken Town Stupidvisor hangs on

By JAY BRAINLESSMAN JR.

Corruptpundent

HIGHMOUNT, N.Y. —  The stage was set Saturday morning at Belleayre Mountain Ski Center for what promised to be a great day of skiing.

There was freshly fallen snow covering the slopes, a rarity this winter, and it was a holiday weekend, one that historically has been a busy time at the state-owned facility.

But with all the snow and all the skiers, there was still one critical element missing: The staff needed to get the chairlifts running.

“I don’t know what it was,”  Joe Schmelly, chairman of the Coalition to Screw Belleayre, said Monday of the staff shortage.

Schmelly said that he went to Belleayre Saturday morning to look at all he ruled over and saw that no lifts were running and heard that it was due to several staffers calling in sick that morning. Those staff were critical employees needed to inspect the chairlifts and get them running for the day, he said. “They have no right to get sick, we own their asses, “

Schmelly said he is aware that the situation is being viewed by many as some form of protest of the anticipated takeover of Belleayre by the Olympic Regional Crossroads Authority, but he was quick to note that regardless, the matter was handled quickly with the help of a cooperative Windbags Mountain.

“ Screw those sick people, they are just little people, did they have the brains to make a cool half mil off Don Guitar like I did? No, NO.  My wife took time off from her bulimia and plastic surgery schedule to buy a crap piece of landlocked land for a couple of thousand and wa-lah, Deen turned it into 500,000. Hah who gives a crap these people worked at Bellyair for 25 years and want a pension. They can kiss ORCA’s ass if they want to keep their benefits. “

Windbags is a privately owned ski center in Greene County and a competitor of Belleayre, but according to Schmelly, the operators of Windbags offered help and sent their SCAB’s to Belleayre to get the lifts going.

“They were skiing by mid-day,” Schmelly said. "Stankley was drinking by sunrise"

Schmelly said that if one were to assume that this was some form of a job action, that it is an unfortunate residual to the impending change that is store for the Bellyayre and its employees.

“I couldn’t care less that change is unnerving,’ he said. “What we really don’t want is communication between the state and the community about what exactly is happening. Deen and Glarry will import workers for next year. Our new motto is “SCREW THE LOCALS, WE DON’T NEED EM’”. Boob Knawful has used that one for 30 yrs. “

On Monday several calls to Bellyayre’s Stupidintendent, Tony Ponzi, went unreturned. Rumor has it he is always whining how he has no friends. “Deen moved, Glennn died, Klab and Stankly Sr. went crazy,  I am all alone,” has been heard from behind his closed office door.

Saturday’s events came on the heels of a petition circulating in the region urging Gov. Andrew Cuomo “to re-engage Belleayre’s Stupidintendent, Tony Ponzi,  together with the dedicated employees who have worked so hard to insure the success of the Bellyayre Ski Center.”

“Yeah good luck with that” laughed Schmelly.

Meanwhile Shandaken Stupidvisor Rob Stankly Jr. was in the bar unaware the lifts were not running.

“What? I will fire every one of those f^%$*ers that did not show up!! “ Stankly stammered when he became apprised of the situation. “They will be sorry when they get their tax bills and see the increase in taxes that goes directly to ORCA. They’ll come crawling back to me”

When told the so-called sick employees did not work for him, they worked for the DEC, Stankley, burped, farted and ordered another drink. Sensing he sharted himself, this reporter left the area.

Cuomo has called for the Olympic Regional Crossroads Authority to take over management of Belleayre from the State Department of Environmental Conservation.

If the state Legislature supports the plan, the transition is expected to take place at the end if this ski season.

Arkville Water Discovery Center changes focus

Arkville NY; Garry Failles, the master mind behind The Water Discovery Center slated to open in Arkville NY announced this week the center has changed it's mission.
"Rather than push ahead with the mission we first came up with years ago, we decided instead to focus on what it really is, a steaming pile of bullshit" said Failles on tuesday.
For years Failles and his group have concentrated on ways to spend the million dollars in watershed "economic development" money awarded to the region from NYCDEP. Sadly they haven't even been able to update the website since 2008. While Farty Gailles, Garry's wife and 'Administrative manager to the chair' of the museum has had little problem spending cash on lunch meetings, trips to malls for scouting and the like, other members of the board have not met their obligations.
Glum Millerbeerdrunkard resigned from his post as Spandrunken Zoning Officer amid charges of porn watching in the office years ago. He then followed up with a DWI, that severly impacted his spending.
"Half of the economic decline in Shandaken is due to Glum no longer being belly up to the bar" said Mike Rackateera, local bar owner. "He used to spend thousands, now not so much"
"Its true" added Farty " why I was adding up receipts and after getting a lifetime membership to NAMBLA, Glum hasn't handed in any receipts since 2010."

A steaming pile of bullshit has replaced what was to be the Water Discovery Center

When asked about the other board members, both of the Failles admitted most of them jumped ship long ago. The last annual meeting was held in 2008, when they hung a fake sign on an empty Crossroads office next door to the Highmount PO for a night to impress non-local investors.

Since then, Garry says its all bullshit, He doesn't know if the Catskill Waterspread Organization, (which he says is just a front for the NYCDEP that wants to depopulate the area), will give them anymore funds.

"It's just as well, he spends all his time at the Emerskin, keeping that crap afloat" Farty complained.

"It's all bullshit" Garry laughed " I can't believe we are still getting away with spending all the investors money, not paying taxes. Those guys on Wall Street got nothing on us"



Stankley's new found moderaton made possible by the Guvnor

Stoopidvisor Stankley revealed a moderate increase to his budget unlike last years crushing 12% increase. In an interview, he veiled the real increase by stating the costs for flooding have not been tallied, leaving him an opening as wide as the flooding Esopus, when things go very very wrong, like they did in his last budget.

Stankley, not surprisingly, has yet to make good on the one and only campaign promise he made declaring he would enforce the laws of Shandaken, equally. In fact, he now says everyone in town is breaking snippets of the a law.

He also declared that Phoenicia is a flood plain, not worth saving and all commercial enterprises must move to route 28 whether or not it is legally rezoned.

In his last sad attempt to get reelected, Stankley made a desparate bid to seem intelligent by declaring he graduated sumos cum loud. When asked to provide proof, he looked bewildered and declared Beefy Kibe would vouch for him.

In unrelated news,  SHARP is again under investigation for giving flood victims pocket change and then declaring the flood funds depleted.

Stankley lashes out at vicious adultery rumor

SHANDAKEN Republican stoopidvisor Robert A-hole Stankley lashed out Wednesday at vicious allegations that he has been having an adulterous affair with a woman on his recreation board.

"I wanted to hold this press conference to say unambiguously that my girlfriends and I have  faithfully cheated on my wife for 12 years," Stankley said.

Stankley said he believed the story was being disseminated by a rival recreation campaign which he did not name.

"The core idea of this rumor campaign is that I have violated the vows that I made to my wife 18 years ago," Stankley said, "but as everyone knows I have remained with my present girlfriend throughout her pregnancy."

Stankley when on to declare that those were not puppy dog eyes he was making at the chair of the recreation board. Longtime former Chair, Tiny Lice, was heard to be whimpering in the back row.