ABOVE IT ALL, A GUEST COMMENTARY

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JOANNE AND ALL PLANNING BOARD MEMBERS AS WELL AS OTHER BOARDS,
ARE EQUAL TO OR ABOVE THE ELECTED OFFICIAL, BECAUSE THEY ARE VOLUNTEERS AND OFFICERS OF THE TOWN. THEY DON'T DO IT FOR THE MONEY. THEY ARE SPECIAL. THEY PLAN, THEY ARE CHOSEN.

Obviously, compensating for the size of his penis

Obser­va­tion:
Often the size of the gavel used by a Shandaken Supervisor is inversely pro­por­tional to the pro­por­tions of the banger mem­brum. Studies have been done to find if there is any correlation between body parts in determining penis development. All studies seem to find the myths of big gavel equaling a small penis to be true. The factor of frequency of use was found to be a measure in which the small penis subject attempts to deflect attention away from the topic at hand.

Definition:
Small penis gavel syndrome. The bigger the gavel the smaller the penis.

1. A small penis gavel syndrome is a big gavel banged by a man trying to overcompensate for having a small penis i.e. tiny dick overcompensation microdick penis.

2. Also applies to humongous "manly" gavels that are not allowed to be used by others, let alone get banged on. Glossy walnut, pinstriped handles, and similar macho-but-impractical gavels that are coveted by insecure elected officials. The big gavel is the most useless gavel ever made; it's the ultimate small penis.

3. Fancy-ass carved gavels. Seen banging, excessively, usually with loud and very bad politic speak blaring. These gavels are often older models, banged by young men (ages 30-45, usually).

Understanding:
Person A: Wow, that guy must have the smallest penis in the world.
Person B: Yes, in fact it may even be a woman who thinks they are a man.

Perma-rage

Clerk Lauralynn is in a snit again. Obviously this, her latest, is directed, once again, at a specific target. First posted on the website, then spoken inarticulately or with as they say, forked tongue, at the board meeting and then put in the paper at taxpayer expense, Frasier is accusing you, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, of harboring a snake or as she likes to call it, an unlicensed wild animal.
She KNOWS there are snakes in Shandaken.
Maliciously slithering out an alternative motive she hissed,"You know I always get what I want and if you cross me, I'll make you pay!"

WHO are these snakes?

He speaks fluent gooblygook.. who knew?

Rob Stanley  showed the audience how adept he was at speaking gooblygook at the February town board meeting. When councilman Dim Malloy asked why the officer in charge couldn't use the retired squad car for his vehicle, stankley replied in vintage gooblygook that had Malloy looking blankly confused which admitedly isn't remotely difficult.
Asked to clarify his answer, he did so again in middle gooblygook which resulted in the town board buying a new vehicle for the chief,  a new cruiser for the police department,  a clown car for the zoning officer, and a scooter for Hack, using the good neighbor fund and leaving the capital expense line that was created for such purchases untouched. Chuck Perez protested to no avail as Stankley blurted he was enrolled in advanced politic speak which he was anxious to try out on the town. He later admitted his first attempt was reading the Time Warner list of shows rather than read the New York Comptroller's report on problems in the town accounts. "It was perfect," he gleefully exclaimed, " Not one question about the report!"

I pledge open government______________NOT!

Transparency seems simple enough. Show us the money, show us the resolutions. The pursuit of an open government should be done with an open mind. HA! One month into his administration and already playing games.

You can't always get what you want....but sometimes

Things just have a way of working out. I'm not sure if it's the time of the year, the moon cycle, planetary alignment, a monkey who predicts earth quakes, or what have you, but sometimes things really just work out the way they are supposed to.

Last year when Shandaken Unplugged began its run following in the steps of the late great Original Fanci Colon/Barry Derrmann's The Shandaken Truth, no one could have predicted the impact both sites would have on the community and the events that eventually unfolded. Not that the Buffster is claiming these sites were responsible for the hysterical results, not in the least. I think the readers did that all themselves. However, one cannot deny the effect that was felt, both positive and negative, as was the intention, on the community. What was probably the biggest surprise to the Buffster herself, was that others were also paying attention to the posts on the blogs. By "others", the Buffster means people who live in the Hudson Valley Corridor. Yeah, I know, in school they taught you that the world ended at the thruway round-a-bout and that was where the earth dropped off flat!

But a whole world does exist outside the little bubble you call home (Shandaken) with people, and boats, people on boats, cars and dogs, dogs driving cars, etc. And in the mix, executives of big box stores exist outside the bubble. Big boxes with social commentaries, fancy clothing, sparkly sweatshirts, and employee discounts. Ironically, executives outside of the bubble like to read blogs from inside the bubble. They like to read lots of blogs inside the bubble. And when they see a blog they really like (read: laugh their ass off while reading) they contact the blogger and...you see where I'm going with this, don't you?

Yes, chirruns, the Buffster was recently offered a position as an associate that is outside the bubble with glossy floors, fancy flyers, sparkly shelves, and lots of new merchandise. ! Do you think stoli cocktails at Belleayre can be considered an expense write-off?

Of course, I know what you're thinking, I can always tell what the voices in my head are thinking, even before they say it.

"But the Buffster , are you sure this is the real deal, and not some dirty trick set up by the evil doers of the town?"

Yes, at first I was suspicious too. Anydrinkwhore, you know how I love a good game and an offer for free drinks, so I said, "Usually I suck but this time I'll bite."

But after several phone conversations, and finally a fantastic lunch at trendy (read: expensive) lunch cart, it became apparent that I was in the company of an honest to goodness executive. I highly recommend the rotisserie hot dogs with chili sauerkraut- I likes my lunch that kicks me back, the Buffster thought, "If this is a dirty trick being played on me, with a $3 lunch under my belt, I can't wait to see how they drop the bomb." Then came the little Debbie cake with cherries...that was only eh, so bomb dropped!

Anyfoodpoisoning, long, wonderful, exciting story short...the Buffster will soon have a larger contingency of bitches to blog to! But fear not, my loyal beh-behs, you will not be abandoned. Not fully.

Soon enough I will no longer have the time to devote to this blog that I have in the past, but rest assured, I will continue with staggered (pun not lost on me, how 'bout you?) posts, I'll need to keep up with local shenanigans and try out new bitching methods, won't I?

The moral to this story? Wicked, with a large dose of funny is attractive and marketable. Mean without humor...not so much. That's a lesson some have to learn the hard way.

So, yes, things turn out the way they are meant too, and maybe it was the monkey who predicts earthquakes who made it all possible. Or maybe this time is was equal parts hard work and the Buffster's unique talent... with a dash of Smirnoff.

Okay...perhaps it was also a quarter cup of monkey prediction...but only for coloring.

Till next time, my beh-behs

 Join me on Facebook
The Buffster  just discovered this wonderful way to keep up with her bitches, Facebook, so I have opened an account, and would welcome you to follow me as a friend. I'm too shy to friend request myself (i.e., the liquor cabinet is full) so if you're game, give me a look-see!

The Buffster on facebook

Town Owned Newspapers -Coming to our town soon

There have been rumblings. Now Shandaken is the first town to embrace its own propaganda machine.The town of Shandaken last week struck a deal with the editor of the Fauxnicia Times, an unusual deal because it involves the newspaper and the government it covers.
Of course, we don’t expect this to impact the paper’s coverage of Shandaken government, since there is little in the way of hard hitting news and virtually no investigative reporting. Now we have a paper just like the old Townsman as the mouthpiece of the government.
No word on whether the town will change its motto from “where the eagles soar" to "where the eagle is a pinko".
 
Conservatives rule! A new poll by Rasmussen reveals 40% of those polled identify themselves are conservative, outpacing those who consider themselves liberals or moderates. This is great news as we head into 2010, which is likely to be one the most important year's yet for conservatives. We know we represent the values of most Americans, and we need to remember that as we forge ahead!