library?

In an interview using the Phoenicia library tragedy as a photo op, Stoopidvisor Stankley was stumped when asked what was lost in the fire.
"The sign on the building says there is a fishing collection here, so obviously that, er I don't know, I've never set foot in that building. I've actually never been on this side of town, I hang out at the bar down the street. Now, a fire there, that would have been a devastating loss," he mumbled shaking his head.
Stankley appeared to be disoriented either by his unfamiliarity of location or the fact that Phoenicia had a library or the lack of a drink in his hand at the late hour of 9am.
Library card holders have vowed to rebuild, despite the Stoopidvisor's lack of interest.
The board will be holding a meeting to determine what needs to be done, the library board that is.

Citizen's of Shandaken,

Please be advised no roads are closed, there is no flooding.
We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY. No bridges are out, no roads are washed out, no one is in a ditch. All available manpower is ordered out to watch the creek rise and receed at great expense to the town. All fire trucks and ambulances are ordered to drive around and around town. We had no earthquake. We had no flooding. We had no hurricane. We had no tsunami. Go to Belleayre to evacuate yourself. We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY.
Be safe,
Stoopidvisor Stankley

Shut up!

The meltdown began when Stoopidvisor Stankley accused Merry Vermin of refusing to give up her Facebook password. Stankley demanded  the town lawyer get passwords from all accounts that have any of the twelve hamlets in their names, but only if a woman put up the page. " I'm outraged I don't have control," he spewed, "Bitches be writin' about the town without my authority." When questioned about the cost to taxpayers in lawyer fees Stankey shrugged. As to the allegations of calling the State police to aid him in his misguided mission, Stankey shrugged. Vermin asked Stankely why he could not "man up" and pick up the phone to simply call her. Stankley was unable to respond. The town board has turned a blind eye to Stankley's harassment of females. Stankley has a long troubled history with women. Stankley's current campaign against women possibly stems from his abuse by the town clerk, though rumors are unverified.