Phoenicia NY February 1, 2010, The widely acclaimed show Ghost Hunterz is scheduled to film in Phoenicia NY this spring. The subject of the episode will be the SHARPY committee on Main St. in the Hamlet.
There is little activity at the committee’s headquarters in Phoenicia NY these days. In recent years all of the low income housing has been sold off. Grants for heating were depleated in the 1990’s redoing kitchens and other cosmetic remedies to make residents feel better. At a recent round table SHARP Board members, Director Snide and residents discussed SHARPs role in the community.
According to Snide “One ladies son died so we gave her new cabinets. And then our current Supervisor, Rob Stankley left his wife for a string of drunken one-nighters so we redid her house. He still owns it with her so if he ever sobers up he can cash in. We hear he has a new anchor baby with an illegal so we were looking for some funds to redo the nursery. Then we found out the apartment is so small the baby sleeps in the bathtub with the goats so we put that on hold. “
On the subject of Ghost Hunting, Snide lamented, “ It was once one of my favorite activities and I am hoping this will jump start my career in that field again. Obviously SHARP is on it’s last legs. A few times I have come into the office and heard voices.’ HEEEEEEET, HEEEEEEEEET’ they seem to be moaning. there is a legend that a woman in Woodland was turned down for a loan after she voted democrat who froze to death, but we have been unable to substantiate that.
“We are very excited for this opportunity” Said Jackoff Jordan in an interview Monday. “The SHARPEY committee is just an apparition as far as agencies that serve the public go, so going with the phantom theory fits right in. At this point in time SHARP barely exists”
“ I agree” stated fellow board member Joanne Klabb “ why Buffy and were just talking the other day how funds disappeared faster than our collective sex appeal last year”
“Yes” Buffy concurred “I can’t remember the last time I had a grant approved or an orgasm for that matter. Well unless you count that time I was grooming the cat. But seriously, I am just rehashing the same old grant we had last year cause we never gave out any money”
“True” stated Phoenica resident Ima Freizen , 77, “Last year I was heating my home with a sterno and newspaper logs and SHARP refused to help me. They said I had to count all that free food I got from Sleez Smith as income so I didn’t qualify. Even after I deducted the stuff that was rotten! This year I stopped taking the food, after all, how many stale pies can you eat? No Jackoff! I won’t ask John Porn that one!! Anyway I have no more unread newspaper supply since the Phoenicia, er, I mean Communist Times went under so maybe I will get some help this year.”
“Ha ha, I doubt that” Buffy replied “we have just enough money in the budget to pay the salary I pretend I earn before we look to sell off our remaining assets”
The RESTORE (Residential Services To Offer Repairs to the Elderly) Program will offer services to income eligible homeowners aged 60 years and older for emergency repairs needed for issues such as, but not limited to: heating, electrical and water system failures, roofing repairs and other situations that require immediate attention. Assistance of up to $5,000.00 per home will be available beginning in February 2011.
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