The Final solution as outlined by Stupidvisor Stankley

ALLABEN- We know, historically, that there will be another event coming in the next few months. Our residents and business owners cannot continue to operate under the constant threat of flooding to their lives and livelihood.  Along with Engineers, board members toured and discussed possible solutions in the short term and long term. Discussion ensued that engineering was necessary to ensure whatever approach is taken 1)proceeds quickly and 2)must be effective. Again, work of this nature does not come free no matter who is footing the bill. All involved personnel want to ensure that money is not wasted on an ineffective measure.   
We need to solve this issue with as much expediency as is humanly possible, so these high-tech waterproof, windproof and breathable socks have been selected as the final long term plan to the flooding problems by the Shandaken Town Board. The unique fabric used in their manufacture enables moisture to dissipate away from the skin, ensuring feet stay dry, warm and blister-free in the most extreme of conditions. They really do work, and do so equally well on cold days crossing the Esopus, or even flood days on Main Street!
The solution will be available only to those residents who applied for FEMA relief for the past three floods, the rest of you will have to quit whining.

Spirits in the Catskills Award

HIGHMOUNT -There was much confusion about the 2011 Spirits in the Catskills award announcement.
The Buffster, a pseudo paranormal expert, an employee of SHARP who cannot write grants, claimed the honoree is a real ghost who roams the hills of Fleishmanns moaning, "Where is my money?" over and over to the annoyance of the locals.
Rob Stankley, Stupidvisor of Shnadaken, blearily raised his head off the bar in hopes that some sap was buying him another drink. Seeing no handout, he licked at what others had spilled and mumbled that he was honored.
The actual recipient is New Jersey resident Kenneth Plasterknack, who was chosen for the honor by the Conspiracy to the Save Bellieayre Resort, the sponsor of the event, for his commitment in keeping the Ponzi scheme going to continue improving the quality of life and economic vitality for the partners of the resort project.
Plasterkncak, who grew up in Fleischmanns said he supports the project's scheme, “I'm a shareholder here. I care about my return. I want it to be enhanced economically.”
The award, which was dreamed up to show the breath and scope of local investors bilked and the partner's commitment to the long ongoing scam, began with the announcement of the project eleven years ago.
A partner in the Bellieayre resort project, Plasterknack sees his legacy to the region in terms of the partner's ability to be believable and able to sustain  the suspension of beliefs for those they have scammed who continue to live and work here.
The award will be presented at the " Please don't eat the yellow snow" ball and banquet.

Famous Dowser Finds Source Of Flooding

Following two years of no flooding, area residents turned,
in desperation to a famous dowser for answers.Though some
were surprised by the findings, many shook their heads and
tapped their noses as in 'I knew it'. Contracted by a group of
Phoenicia residents, who say they can not remember being
under water so many times in one year, the dowser brought
to town the the traditional tools used by the trade.
Dowsing dates back to at least the 15th century, but is
thought by some to have much earlier, even prehistoric,
roots. Dowsers hold a rod in front of them and walk
forward until it signals. A forked tree branch will dip,
incline, or twitch; two L-shaped metal rods will cross.
Another method is to hold a pendulum over a map. All
three methods were used in divining the source of
Phoenicia's flooding.
As residents watched in facination, first the pendulum
swirled around and around a Shandaken map until it
suspended in midair at Town Hall. Everyone loaded
into their vehicles and followed the dowser, and as
the dowser step out of his car with the forked tree
branch, it twitched so hard, it flew out of the dowsers
hand, hitting the building. On cautiously entering the
building, now using two L-shaped metal rods, he cried
out in surprise as the rods wrapped themselves around
Supervisor Stankley's head. "I've never, in all my days,
seen my tools act so definitively, it was like they were
possessed," cried the dowser, visibly shaken. The
Phoenicia residents plan on going door to door, in hopes
of finding a solution on how to keep Stankley away from
their town. Rick Ragingfella, raged,"Look what he's done
to Phoenicia, it's a goddamn mess! There are dead fish
in our street!"