Sunrise Service

Shandaken NY: The annual sunrise service was held by the Shandaken Eagle Committee this Easter. The Order of the Grand Talon wore their official uniforms and performed the ritual dance of the dung. Six baby kittens were also sacrificed. When asked what a predatory bird had to do with a religous holiday, the reporter in attendance was pelted with a white substance and accused of not supporting the troops. The Shandaken Eagle, once a part of a train station or some other big building, was bought for $12 at a white elephant sale in Hoboken in 1986. Since then the spiritual essence of the big brass avian has been touted by several residents. " I saw it cry blood on Jerry Sayso's birthday" cried Jane Rosbitch. After the ceremony, John Horny was having an egg hunt for all who were interested.

Republican Club spent almost $2,000 at bondage-themed strip club

SHANDAKEN -- Under fire from both the right and the left, the Republican Club is investigating how and why it spent nearly $2,000 for "meals" at a bondage-themed strip club in near New Paltz featuring topless dancers simulating lesbian sex.

The Republicans confirmed Monday that it reimbursed a Shandaken member for $1,946 spent at The Bleu Moon, a high-end bar/lounge that's described on one Web site as "classic slutty" where "you might not be completely shocked at the almost naked women writhing on each other, but you will undoubtedly be in awe."

"It was obviously improper for more than one reason," said a party spokesman John Horney. "It was not a sanctioned SRC activity. It was improper because of the venue."  He denied knowing if any club members were dancers or patrons.